Bruce Campbell

Highest Rated: 100% Time Warp: The Greatest Cult Films of All-Time Volume 2: Horror and Sci-Fi (2020)

Lowest Rated: 3% McHale's Navy (1997)

Birthday: Jun 22, 1958

Birthplace: Birmingham, Michigan, USA

A self-described B-movie actor, Bruce Campbell can claim to have scaled the casualty-littered mountain of cult movie stardom. First attaining more notoriety than fame for his performance in Sam Raimi's The Evil Dead (1983), which he also executive produced, Campbell went on to star in that movie's two sequels and a number of other schlock-tastic films. He has also occasionally ventured into more reputable territory, thanks to such films as the Coen brothers' The Hudsucker Proxy (1994).Hailing from Royal Oak, MI, where he was born June 22, 1958, Campbell attended Western Michigan University. When he was only 21, he and two of his Detroit friends, Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert, scraped together 350,000 dollars to make a low-budget horror film. The result, completed piecemeal over four years, was The Evil Dead, an exuberantly awful piece of filmmaking that featured Campbell as its demon-battling hero. The film first earned notoriety in England, and after being personally endorsed by author Stephen King when it was screened at Cannes, it was eventually released in the U.S. in 1983.The Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn followed in 1987, and the third installment in the series, Army of Darkness, was released in 1992. Both were enthusiastically embraced by fans of the series and less so by critics, but one thing that impressed both groups was Campbell's work in both films, thanks in part to his uncanny ability to make it through an entire performance without blinking once.In addition to the Evil Dead films, Campbell has acted in a number of other low-budget films, and, in the case of the Coens' The Hudsucker Proxy and a blink-and-you-miss-it cameo in Fargo (1996), a handful of fairly respectable projects as well. He has also acted frequently on television, most notably in the weekly Western The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. and Jack of all Trades. In 2001 Campbell made his literary debut with If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B-Movie Actor. A humorously detailed account of his rise to B-movie stardom, If Chins Could Kill detailed, among other things, Campbell's uniquely diverse fanbase as well as his relationship with longtime friend and frequent collaborator Sam Raimi. When fans embraced the freewheeling semi-autobiography with more zeal than even Campbell himself may have anticipated, a succesful speaking tour was soon followed by a sophomore novel, the satirical Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way. A highly fictionalized look at what it may be like for Campbell to land a substantial role in a high-profile Hollywood production, Make Love the Bruce Campbell way found the sarcastic B-movie idol hobnobbing with co-star Richard Gere and offering directorial advice to veteran director Mike Nichols. Yet Campbell was hardly one to forget where his bread was truly buttered, and following his brief literary detour, it was time to head back to the big screen for a pair of memorable cameos in pal Raimi's Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2, the longtime actor and emerging producer was finally ready to make his feature directorial debut with the outlandish sci-fi comedy The Man with the Screaming Brain. Despite helming the occasional Xena and Hewrcules episode, Campbell had yet to tackle feature films and when the opportunity arose to direct a script that he himself had written, everything just seemed to fall into place. Though the critics weren't so kind, fans were more than willing to indulge as their favorite film and television star finally got a chance to shine on his own. After voicing his most famous character in a pair of Evil Dead videogames, it was finally time for Campbell to return to the role of Ash on the big screen - albiet in a decidedly meta-manner - when he stepped into the role of an actor named Bruce Campbell who is mistaken for the demon-slayer that he played in the movies and forced to to battle with the legions of hell in the 2006 horror comedy They Call Me Bruce; a film that also afforded Campbell his sophomore feature directorial cred

Photos

View All Photos (4)

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

MOVIES

RATING	TITLE	CREDIT	BOX OFFICE	YEAR
100%	Time Warp: The Greatest Cult Films of All-Time Volume 2: Horror and Sci-Fi	Actor	—	2020
78%	Hail to the Deadites	Self	—	2020
No Score Yet	All Hail the Popcorn King	Self	—	2020
100%	To Hell and Back: The Kane Hodder Story	Actor	—	2018
No Score Yet	50 Years of Star Trek	Actor	—	2016
No Score Yet	The Escort	Charles	—	2015
5%	The Color of Time	Goody	—	2014
91%	Doc Of The Dead	Actor	—	2014
63%	Evil Dead	Actor	$54.2M	2013
57%	Oz the Great and Powerful	Winkie Gate Keeper	$235M	2013
40%	Cars 2	Rod "Torque" Redline	$191.5M	2011
90%	Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe	Sam Axe Executive Producer	—	2011
No Score Yet	The Walking Dead Girls	Actor	—	2011
86%	Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs	Mayor Shelbourne	$124.9M	2009
38%	My Name Is Bruce	Director Himself Producer	$0.2M	2007
63%	Spider-Man 3	Maitre d'	$336.6M	2007
48%	Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters	Chicken Bittle	$5.5M	2007
69%	The Woods	Joe Fasulo	—	2006
62%	The Ant Bully	Fugax	$28.1M	2006
No Score Yet	Touch the Top of the World	Ed Weihenmayer	—	2006
73%	Sky High	Coach Boomer	$64M	2005
33%	Man with the Screaming Brain	Screenwriter Director William Cole Producer	—	2005
No Score Yet	Alien Apocalypse	Dr. Ivan Hood	—	2005
No Score Yet	Making the Amazing (Making the Amazing: Spider-Man 2)	Actor	—	2004
93%	Spider-Man 2	Usher	$373.4M	2004
No Score Yet	Blood Drive II	Actor	—	2004
No Score Yet	Spider-Man 2.1 (Extended Cut)	Actor	—	2004
79%	Bubba Ho-Tep	Elvis	—	2003
No Score Yet	Time Quest	Actor	—	2003
No Score Yet	Masters of Horror	Host	—	2002
No Score Yet	Terminal Invasion	Jack	—	2002
4%	Serving Sara	Gordon Moore	$16.9M	2002
90%	Spider-Man	Ring Announcer	$403.8M	2002
No Score Yet	Hatred of a Minute	Producer	—	2002
No Score Yet	Fanalysis	Actor Director	—	2002
42%	The Majestic	Roland the Intrepid Explorer	—	2001
No Score Yet	The Ice Rink	The Actor	—	2000
No Score Yet	Icebreaker	Carl Greig	—	1999
9%	From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money	Barry	—	1999
27%	Double Jeopardy	Bartender at Party	—	1999
No Score Yet	Goldrush: A Real Life Alaskan Adventure	Pierce Thomas Madison	—	1998
No Score Yet	Menno's Mind	Mick Dourif	—	1997
No Score Yet	The Love Bug	Hank Cooper	—	1997
3%	McHale's Navy	Virgil	—	1997
No Score Yet	Running Time	Carl	—	1997
53%	John Carpenter's Escape from L.A.	Surgeon General of Beverly Hills	—	1996
No Score Yet	Tornado!	Jake	—	1996
94%	Fargo	Soap Opera Star on TV	—	1996
22%	Congo	Charles	—	1995
17%	The Demolitionist	Gang Member	—	1995
57%	The Quick and the Dead	Wedding Shemp	—	1995
60%	The Hudsucker Proxy	Smitty	—	1994
73%	Army of Darkness	Producer Ash	—	1993
No Score Yet	Mindwarp	Stover	—	1992
No Score Yet	Lunatics: A Love Story	Producer Ray	—	1992
No Score Yet	Chiller Theatre	Actor	—	1992
No Score Yet	Waxwork II: Lost in Time	John	—	1991
No Score Yet	Easy Wheels	Producer Executive Producer	—	1990
60%	Maniac Cop 2	Jack Forrest	—	1990
No Score Yet	Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat	Van Helsing	—	1990
83%	Darkman	Final Shemp	—	1990
No Score Yet	Moontrap	Ray Tanner	—	1989
No Score Yet	Intruder	Officer Howard	—	1989
No Score Yet	The Dead Next Door	Actor	—	1989
50%	Maniac Cop	Forrest	—	1988
95%	Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn	Ash, Ashley J. Williams Producer	—	1987
No Score Yet	Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except	Video Newscaster	—	1987
50%	Crimewave	Producer The Heel	—	1986
No Score Yet	Going Back	Brice Chapman	—	1983
95%	The Evil Dead	Executive Producer Ashley J. Williams	—	1981
No Score Yet	Within the Woods	Actor	—	1978

TV

RATING	TITLE	CREDIT	YEAR
No Score Yet	The Last Kids on Earth 2019-2020	Voice Actor	2019
No Score Yet	Last Call With Carson Daly 2007-2019	Guest	2018
99%	Ash vs Evil Dead 2015-2018	Ash Williams Ash Executive Producer Producer	2018 2016 2015
No Score Yet	@midnight With Chris Hardwick 2014-2017	Panelist	2016
No Score Yet	Conan 2010	Guest	2016
No Score Yet	The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 2015	Guest	2015
41%	1600 Penn 2012-2013	Doug	2013
88%	Burn Notice 2007-2013	Sam Axe	2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008 2007
No Score Yet	My Life as a Teenage Robot 2008	Voice	2003
No Score Yet	Charmed 1998-2006	Agent Jackman	2002
No Score Yet	V.I.P. 1998-2004	Director	2001
No Score Yet	Jack of All Trades 2000	Executive Producer Jack Stiles	2000
No Score Yet	Stargate SG-1 1997-2007	Worker	2000
No Score Yet	Xena: Warrior Princess 1995-2001	Director Autolycus	2000 1999 1998 1997 1996
74%	The X-Files 1993-2018	Wayne	1999
No Score Yet	Hercules: The Legendary Journeys 1995-1999	Director Autolycus Tapert	1999 1998 1997 1996 1995
No Score Yet	Ellen 1994-1998	Ed Billick Ed	1997 1996 1994
91%	Homicide: Life on the Street 1993-1999	Jake Rodzinski Jake Rodzinsky	1996
86%	Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman 1993-1997	Bill Church Jr.	1995
91%	The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. 1993-1994	Brisco Brisco County Jr.	1994 1993

Quotes from Bruce Campbell's Characters

Ash Ashley J. Williams:

Groovy!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Honey! You got real ugly!

Elvis Presley:	Uh, Mr. President... You're on the floor.
John "Jack" Fitzgerald Kennedy:	No shit?

Elvis Presley:	Now the two key words for tonight - "caution" and "flammable".
John "Jack" Fitzgerald Kennedy:	Also "watch your ass".

Duke Henry:	Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Nope. Just me baby... Just me
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Nope. Just me baby. Just me

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Hold it... nobody said anything about three books. Like, like what am I supposed to do - take one book, or all books, or what?
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Hold it. Nobody said anything about three books. Like, like what am I supposed to do - take one book, or all books, or what?

Knight:	He has fallen from the sky to save us from the deadites, he's a hero! (all knights shouting hero)
Knight:	He has fallen from the sky to save us from the deadites, he's a hero!
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	No.No. NO!
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	No. No. No!

Possessed Witch:	I'll swallow your soul!
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Come get some!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up!

Elvis Presley:

Come and get it, you undead sack of s^#@.

Sheila/Evil Sheila:	You found me beautiful once...
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Honey, you got real ugly...

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

This... is my boomstick!

Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:

Aaaaaah!

Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:	Now The Sun Will Be Up In An Hour Or So, And We Can All Get Out Of Here Together.
Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:	Now the sun will be up in an hour or so, and we can all get out of here together.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Shop smart, shop S-Mart
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Shop smart, shop S-Mart!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Yo...she bitch...Lets go
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	[to the Witch] Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Hail to the king, baby.

Ash Ashley J. Williams:

You bastards! Give me back my hand!

Possessed Henrietta:	Hey! I'll swallow your soul! Swallow your soul! Swallow your soul!
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Swallow this!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Gimme some sugar, baby.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.

Ash Ashley J. Williams:	"Swallow this"
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Swallow this.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Hail to the king baby!!!!
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Hail to the king baby!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Shop smart, shop S-mart

Surgeon General of Beverly Hills:

[the Surgeon General gropes Taslima's breasts] My God, they're real!

Shelly:	[about Cheryl] Why does she keep making those horrible noises?
Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:	I don't know!
Shelly:	Look at her eyes. Look at her eyes! For God's sake, what happened to her eyes?

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Alright, you primitive screw-heads, listen up!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

This is my BOOM STICK!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

(as the narrator) Sure, I could have stayed in the past. I could have even been king. But in my own way, I am king.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Name's Ash. Housewares.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

You ain't leadin' but two things right now: Jack and sh*t, and Jack left town.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Yo, she-b*tch. Let's go.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	(Bad Ash) Hee hee hee! I'm Bad Ash. And your Good Ash! Hee hee hee!
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	(shoots Bad Ash) I'm not that good.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	This... is my... BOOMSTICK!!
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	This... is my... BOOMSTICK!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Groovy.

Ash Ashley J. Williams:

Gimme back my hand... GIMME BACK MY HAND!

Ash Ashley J. Williams:

Groovy!

Bruce Campbell:	Jeff, I just have one request
Jeff:	Anything Bruce.
Bruce Campbell:	Next time you unleash an ancient demon, call that Buffy chick.

Bruce Campbell:	Where in the heck did you find this Evil Dead shampoo?
Jeff:	Bruce, that's drain cleaner.
Bruce Campbell:	Well, I guess that would explain the burning sensation.

Bruce Campbell:

You know Jeff, I've gotten a lot of use out of chainsaws over the years. Killed a lot a zombies, saved a lot of lives, but at the end of the day when push comes to shove... they're just too damn heavy.

Bruce Campbell:

Consider yourself officially exempt from my wrath sweetcakes, and if you're lucky a little later I'll let you play with my boomstick.

Linda:	I feel funny about being here. What if the people who own the place come home?
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	They're not gonna come back. Even if they do we'll tell them the car broke down or something like that.
Linda:	With your car, they'd believe it.

Linda:	Please Ash... please don't hurt me. You swore- you swore that we'd always be together. I love you
Linda:	Please Ash... please don't hurt me. You swore- you swore that we'd always be together. I love you.
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Noooo!
Linda:	Yah! Your lover is mine and now she burns in Hell.

Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Damn it! I said I was alright! Are you listening to me? You hear what I'm saying? I'm alright!.. I'm alright..
Annie Knowby:	OK, maybe you are. But for how long? If we're going to beat this thing, we need those pages.
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Then let's head down into that cellar and carve ourselves a witch.

Jake:	Uh-huh. That's right. I'm running the show now. We're going to go out there in them woods and look for Bobby Joe. Once we find her we're getting the hell out of here.
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	No you idiot! You'll kill us all. She's dead by now. Don't you understand? With these pages, at least we have a chance.
Jake:	Bunch of mumbo jumbo bullshit! These pages don't mean squat!

Annie Knowby:	What's wrong?
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Felt like someone just walked over my grave. What's that picture? What is that?
Annie Knowby:	In 1300 AD they called this man the, ah, hero from the sky. He was prophesied to have destroyed the Evil.
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Didn't do a very good job...

Jake:	What the hell is it?
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Maybe something... something trying to force its way into our world.

Ash Ashley J. Williams:

There's something out there. That... that witch in the cellar is only part of it. It lives... out in those woods, in the dark... something... something that's come back from the dead.

Ash Ashley J. Williams:	We'll all go in together..
Jake:	Hell no! You're the curious one.

Ash Ashley J. Williams:

For God's sake! How do you stop it?!

Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Hey, what do you say we have some champagne, huh baby?
Linda:	Sure.
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	After all, I'm a man and you're a woman... at least last time I checked.

Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Give me back my hand... GIVE ME BACK MY HAND!!
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Give me back my hand... GIVE ME BACK MY HAND!

Possessed Henrietta:	I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Swallow this.

Ash Ashley J. Williams:

We just killed our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound 'fine'?

Maitre d':	Name, please?
Peter Parker/Spider-Man:	Parker, Peter.
Maitre d':	Ahh, there we are... table for two, Pecker...
Peter Parker/Spider-Man:	Parker...
Maitre d':	That is what I said, Pecker!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Hail to the king baby
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Hail to the king baby.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?

Ash Ashley J. Williams:	[Pointing at Linda's head] "Your goin' down!"
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	[pointing at Linda's head] You're goin' down.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

All right you primitive screwheads, listen up... see this? This... is my BOOM stick!

Ash Ashley J. Williams:	(talking about Bobby Joe) If she's gone into those woods, you can forget about her...
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	[talking about Bobby Joe] If she's gone into those woods, you can forget about her...

Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Who's laughing now!?
Ash Ashley J. Williams:	Who's laughing now?

Ash Ashley J. Williams:

Work-shed!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Good, Bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.

Coach Boomer:	SIDEKICK! [screaming angrily to Will]
Coach Boomer:	Sidekick! [screaming to Will]

Coach Boomer:

I'm Coach Boomer. You may know me as Sonic Boom. You may not.

Ash Ashley J. Williams:

Groovy!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.

Sheila/Evil Sheila:	But what of all those sweet words you spoke in private?
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Oh that's just what we call pillow talk, baby, that's all.

Duke Henry:	You Sir, are not one of my vassals...who are you?
Duke Henry:	You Sir, are not one of my vassals. Who are you?
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Who wants to know?
Duke Henry:	I am Henry the Red, Duke of Shale, Lord of Northlands and leader of its peoples.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things right now: Jack and shit...and Jack left town.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things right now: Jack and shit, and Jack left town.

Mayor Shelbourne:

Who needs the approval of one family member when you can have it from millions of acquaintances?

Mayor Shelbourne:

Now our towns hero and my metaphorical son, Flint Lockwood.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

It's a trick. Get an axe.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Give me some sugar baby.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Groovy.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Shelly:	(about Cheryl) - Why does she keep making those horrible noises?
Shelly:	(about Cheryl) Why does she keep making those horrible noises?
Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:	I don't know!
Shelly:	Look at her eyes. Look at her eyes! For Gods, sake what happened to her eyes?!

Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:	Now the sun will be up in an hour or so, and we can all get out of here together. You, me, Linda, Shelly. Hmm...Well... not Shelly, she? We'll all be going home together. Wouldn't you like to be going home? I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you, Scott?
Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:	Now the sun will be up in an hour or so, and we can all get out of here together. You, me, Linda, Shelly. Hmm, Well, not Shelly, she? We'll all be going home together. Wouldn't you like to be going home? I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you, Scott?

Linda:	Hey, Ash! I guessed the card right!
Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:	Yeah...truly amazing.
Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:	Yeah, truly amazing.

Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:	We can't bury Shelly - S-She's a friend of ours.
Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:	We can't bury Shelly. S-She's a friend of ours.

Ashley "Ash" J. Williams:

You bastards! Why are you torturing me like this? Why?

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	It took Linda. - And then it came for me. It got into my hand and it went bad. So I lopped it off at the wrist.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	It took Linda. And then it came for me. It got into my hand and it went bad. So I lopped it off at the wrist.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Hail to the king, baby.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.
Possessed Witch:	Who the hell are you?
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Name's Ash...Housewares.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Name's Ash, Housewares.
Possessed Witch:	I'll swallow your soul.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Come get some.

Sheila/Evil Sheila:	You found me beautiful once.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Honey, you got real ugly.

Sheila/Evil Sheila:	But what of the things that we've shared? What of all the sweet words that you spoke in private?
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Well, that's just what we call "pillow talk," baby. That's all.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Well, that's just what we call 'pillow talk,' baby. That's all.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

(as a soldier blocks his way, he pushes him aside) Get the f**k out of my face!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Ooh, wait a minute. The words...All right, all right, all right. Say the words. Klaatu...barada...Iu -necktie. Nectar, n-- nickel. Noodle. It's an "N" word. It's definitely an "N" word.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Ooh, wait a minute. The words. All right, all right, all right. Say the words. Klaatu...barada...Iu -necktie. Nectar, n-- nickel. Noodle. It's an 'N' word. It's definitely an 'N' word.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Ooh, wait a minute. The words. All right, all right, all right. Say the words. Klaatu...barada...Iu necktie. Nectar, n - nickel. Noodle. It's an 'N' word. It's definitely an 'N' word.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

I'm bad Ash, and you're good Ash. You're goody little two-shoes. You're goody little two-shoes goody little two-shoes. Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Okay, little fella, here's a little hot chocolate for ya! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	London Bridge is falling down...Falling down...Falling down... Mini-Evil Ashes: My fair lady - Ha!
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	London Bridge is falling down. Falling down. Falling down. Mini-Evil Ashes, My fair lady. Ha!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Don't touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and things with...molecular structures.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	Don't touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and things with, molecular structures.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Groovy.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Gimme some sugar, baby.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

What? Were you raised in a barn? Shut the door! Probably was raised in a barn, along with the other primitives.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me...Blow.
Ash (Ashley J. Williams):	First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me, Blow.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? - This is my boom stick! It's a 12-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right. This sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. That's right, shop smart. Shop S-mart...You got that?!!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? This is my boom stick! It's a 12-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right. This sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. That's right, shop smart. Shop S-mart. You got that?!

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Wait a minute. Hold it. W-Wait a minute. You gotta understand, man. I never even saw these a**holes before.

Ash (Ashley J. Williams):

Well, hello, Mr. Fancy Pants. I got news for you, pal. You ain't leading but two things right now. Jack and sh*t, and Jack left town.