Paul Rudd

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

Does anyone have any orange slices?

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

Get off!

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	I really don't wanna hurt you.
Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow:	I wouldn't stress about it.

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	Hank Pym always said "Never trust a Stark".
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	Hank Pym always said never trust a Stark.
Tony Stark/Iron Man:	Who are you again?

---

Sam Wilson/Falcon:	We need a diversion. Something Big!
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	I got something kind of big, but I can't hold it very long. On my signal, run like hell and if I'm tear myself in half, you don't come back.
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	I got something kind of big, but I can't hold it very long. On my signal, run like hell and if I tear myself in half, you don't come back.

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

Look, man, I know you know a lot of super people so... thinks for thanking of me.

---

Steve Rogers/Captain America:	Did he tell you what we're up against?
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	Something about some... psycho assassins.
Steve Rogers/Captain America:	We're outside the law on this one. So if you come with us, you're a wanted man.
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	Yeah well, what else is new?

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

I want to say I know you know a lot of super people, so thinks for thanking of me... Thanks for thinking of me!

---

Tony Stark/Iron Man:	Who's that? Who's speaking?
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	[internally damaging the Iron Man suit] Oh, you're going to have to take this to the shop.
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	Your conscience. It's been a long time since we last talk.
Tony Stark/Iron Man:	Who's speaking?
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	It's your conscience. We don't talk a lot these days.

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

I say this as your the first love of your life, your fiancé is an asshat!

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

Ugh...what time zone is this?

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

It's not, you son of a bitch!

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	saying nothing while visiting his daughter at night while she sleeps ... adorable
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	Saying nothing while visiting his daughter at night while she sleeps ... adorable.

---

Mr. Prince:

The men where you live grow thousands of Roses. And, they do not find what they are looking for. What they are looking for could find in a single Rose. Or a little water.

---

Mr. Prince:

It is only with heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

---

Mr. Prince:	Hey, come and play with me.
The Fox:	I cannot play with you. I'm not tamed.

---

Mr. Prince:

What is essential is invisible to the eye.

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

I'm gonna have to shrink between the molecules to get in there.

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

Hi, I'm Scott!

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

Hi peanut!

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

Hello. I'm Ant-Man. Haven't you heard of me? No, you wouldn't have heard of me.

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:

Iron Man was taken!

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	One Question, Is it to late to change the name?
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	One Question, Is it too late to change the name?

---

Darren Cross/Yellowjacket:	You Think you can stop the future? You're Just a thief!
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	No, I'm Ant-Man. I know, wasn't my idea.

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	My days of breaking in places and stealing stuff are over. What do you want me to do?
Dr. Hank Pym:	I want you to break into a place and steal some stuff.
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	Naturally.
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	Makes sense.

---

Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	I think our first move should be calling the Avengers..
Scott Lang/Ant-Man:	I think our first move should be calling the Avengers.

---

Pete:

My hard-ons are still in analog. This shit's digital.

---

Pete:	Don't think about Lost today. Tomorrow: Lost. All day. I can't wait to hear about it. Jack? No way. Really? Right now, shower.
Sadie:	I don't make fun of your stupid Mad Men.
Pete:	First of all, I don't get worked up over Mad Men.
Sadie:	That's because Mad Men sucks.
Pete:	What Don Draper has gone through beats whatever Jack is running from on some island.
Sadie:	A bunch of people smoking in an office, it's stupid.
Pete:	You're getting me off topic. Please get dressed.

---

Pete:	I've been flushing as I go.
Debbie:	You're flushing as you go? Who takes a half hour to go to the bathroom?
Pete:	John Goodman. (Debbie grabs his iPad and leaves) Don't press Enter! I'm not sure I want to make that move!

---

Josh:	Hey James Bond, In America we drive on the right side of the road!
Cher Horowitz:	I am! You try driving in platforms.

---

Brian Fantana:	Ron, how many times have you smoked crack?
Ron Burgundy:	Just that one time, and one other time too. Ok, I've done it six more times
Ron Burgundy:	Just that one time, and one other time too. Ok, I've done it six more times.

---

Brian Fantana:

I am going to meet my friends OJ Simpson, Phil Spector, and Robert Blake. They call themselves the Ladykillers.

---

Brian Fantana:

I've had 4 of my 7 illegitimate children using this condom.

---

Brian Fantana:

Didn't you hear? Brick died.

---

Brian Fantana:

This just feels right! The news team is back!

---

Adam:

Well, lucky me. I got to be part of your installation "thingie."

---

Brian Fantana:

They've done studies you know. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.

---

Pete:	marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of "everybody loves raymond"
Pete:	Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of 'Everybody Loves Raymond'.

---

Mr. Anderson:

We accept the love we think we deserve.

---

George Harrison:	I just sit here while my guitar quietly whimpers.
Paul McCartney:	Well you are the quiet one so why don't you shut the fuck up!
Ringo Starr:	I've got a song about an octopus.
John Lennon:	Jam it up your ass. You're lucky we still let you play the drums!

---

Paul McCartney:	We're nothing but... grains of sand.
Dewey Cox:	That was freakin' transcendental, Paul McCartney. Don't you agree, John Lennon?
John Lennon:	Yes, Dewey Cox. With meditation there's no limit to what we can... [glares at the camera] *imagine*.

---

Debbie:	Who is that guy? Is that Ben's Rabbi? Is he the one that cuts the penis?
Pete:	I think it's Matisyahu.

---

Pete:	Never do what they did.
Charlotte:	I'm gonna do it...
Pete:	You are? Uh oh, someone's getting homeschooled.

---

Surfing Instructor:	If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you?
Peter Bretter:	Yeah, probably.

---

Adam:

Just refer to me as it or untitled.

---

Pete:

One...a breeze. Two...brutal. Three...just put a bullet to my head. [views about raising kids]

---

Pete:

Have you seen my starfish?

---

Pete:	(Talking to Debbie as he sits on the toilet in the bathroom) Stop treating me like a child.
Pete:	[talking to Debbie as he sits on the toilet in the bathroom] Stop treating me like a child.

---

Peter Klaven:	She was pretty hot.
Sydney Fife:	Ya, I fucked her.

---

Pete:	Should we get a block of porn?
Debbie:	I don't think we need twenty-four hours of porn.
Pete:	Yeah, but you know, two porns cost about as much as a block.
Debbie:	I think that's too much porn.
Pete:	We don't have to watch it all, but for the value it makes sense.

---

Pete:	For some reason, there's an emoticon of a panda doing push-ups.
Debbie:	I wonder what that means.
Pete:	I don't think it means anything, I think it's just adorable.

---

Cher Horowitz:	I have direction...
Josh:	Yeah, towards the mall.

---

Mr. Anderson:

We accept the love we think we deserve.

---

Charlie:	Why Do Nice People Choose The Wrong People To Date?
Charlie:	Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?
Mr. Anderson:	We accept the love we think we deserve.
Charlie:	Can we make them now they deserve better?
Mr. Anderson:	We can try.

---

Josh:	Be seeing you.
Tai:	Yeah, I hope not sporadically.

---

Josh:	Want to practice parking?
Cher Horowitz:	What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet.

---

Ned:	I live my life a certain way. And that is, I like to think ig you put your trust out there, I mean you give people the benefit of the doubt, see their best intentions, they'll want to live up to it. It doesn't always work out, clearly, but I think that if you do people will rise to the occasion.

---

Mr. Anderson:

We accept the love that we think we deserve.

---

Mr. Anderson:	You know, they say if you make one friend on your first day, you're doing okay.
Charlie:	If my English teacher is the only friend I make today, that would be sorta depressing.

---

Peter Klaven:

Laters on the menjay.

---

Barry:	In the words of John Lennon, "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not."
Barry:	In the words of John Lennon, 'You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not.'
Tim:	...the only one.
Tim:	The only one.

---

Brian Fantana:	I know what you're wondering, and the answer is yes... I do have a nickname for my penis. It's called "The Octogon".
Brian Fantana:	I know what you're wondering, and the answer is yes... I do have a nickname for my penis. It's called 'The Octogon'.

---

Josh:	You look like Pippi Longstocking.
Cher Horowitz:	Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?
Josh:	Someone Mel Gibson never played.

---

Brian Fantana:	Panda jerk!!!
Brian Fantana:	Panda jerk!

---

George:	Doors are bullshit
George:	Doors are bullshit.

---

Surfing Instructor:

I like her hair. I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes.

---

Surfing Instructor:

I saw him beat up a guy with a starfish.

---

Derek Dietl:	Wow, you're...glowing....
Susan Murphy/Ginormica:	Thank You!
Derek Dietl:	No Susan, you're like really glowing...YOU'RE GREEN!
Susan Murphy/Ginormica:	(looks at hand)
Susan Murphy/Ginormica:	[looks at hand]
Susan Murphy/Ginormica:	(GASP) Oh No! (GROAN) Derek!
Susan Murphy/Ginormica:	[GASP] Oh No! [GROAN] Derek!

---

Pete:

I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.

---

Pete:

[taking his hand out of his mouth after doing magic mushrooms] Tastes like a rainbow.

---

Brian Fantana:

They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.

---

George:

This stuff was invented by this man in Central Ohio as white goo ... used to remove soot off wall paper... when gas and electric heating came in there was no longer a need for the cleaning goo the guy was going under ... Joe McVicker, his sister in law was Kay Zufall. So Kay Zufall discovered that her kids liked squeezing the goo a lot more than hard modeling clay so she suggested to her brother in law Joe that they colour the stuff and call it play- doh ... So I have kept this for a long time as proof that we are all just one small adjustment away from making our lives work.

---

Peter Klaven:	latress on the menjay
Peter Klaven:	Alright. Laters on the menjay. [Hangs up]

---

Omar:	I..... am..... your..... parole..... officer.....
Ned:	Why are you talking like that?
Omar:	Oh, well I thought, since you sold grass to an officer in uniform, that you might be retarded.

---

Pete:

How could Debbie like me? She likes me, she *loves* me. The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. She loves me so much that she wants me around all the time. That's our biggest problem and I can't even accept that. Like, that upsets me?

---

George:

I'm not having any, it smells like Willie Nelson's braids.

---

Ringo Starr:	I wrote a song about an octopus
Ringo Starr:	I wrote a song about an octopus.
John Lennon:	Jam it up your ass, your lucky will let you play the drums
John Lennon:	Jam it up your ass, your lucky will let you play the drums.
John Lennon:	Jam it up your ass. You're lucky we still let you play the drums!

---

Eva:	Ohh George. I like you.
George:	I like you too Eva.
Eva:	We should make love sometime...

---

Wayne Davidson:	My name's Wayne by the way. I'm a nudist.
George:	Oh yes, we noticed your penis earlier.

---

Brian Fantana:	(About Sex Panther) They've done studies you know. It works 60% of the time...Everytime.
Brian Fantana:	[about Sex Panther] They've done studies you know. It works 60% of the time...Everytime.
Ron Burgundy:	That doesn't make sense.

---

Ron Burgundy:	Hey it's Papa Burgandy!! Corningstone is fair game.
Ron Burgundy:	Hey it's Papa Burgundy! Corningstone is fair game.
Brian Fantana:	Eh-OH!!!!! There he is!!
Brian Fantana:	Eh-OH! There he is!
Ron Burgundy:	I'm very aroused.

---

Danny Donahue:	Pick us up in two hours.
Ronnie Shields:	Fuck you, Miss Daisy!

---

Danny Donahue:

Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.

---

Peter Klaven:

Why does everything I say sounds like a Leprechaun!?

---

Surfing Instructor:

You sound like you're from London.

---

Peter Klaven:

There were tons of guys who were licking each others basses

---

Barry:	As a wise man once said "You may say i'm a dreamer but i'm not"
Barry:	As a wise man once said 'You may say i'm a dreamer but i'm not'.
Tim:	"The only one"
Tim:	'The only one.'
Barry:	What?
Tim:	Well that's the lyric "You may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one"
Tim:	Well that's the lyric 'You may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one'
Barry:	[Sarcastically] OK Tim, whatever you say!
Barry:	[sarcastically] Okay Tim, whatever you say!

---

Cal:	she likes u man
Cal:	She likes you, man.
David:	too bad i retired my penis
David:	Too bad I retired my penis.

---

David:	u look like a man-o-lantern
David:	Dude, you look like a man-o -lantern.

---

Andy Stitzer:	wow thisis pretty crowded
Andy Stitzer:	Wow this is pretty crowded.
David:	yeah well you knoe $9 beer night
David:	Yeah well you know $9 beer night.

---

Augie Farks:	I'm going to approach from the rear.
Danny Donahue:	*uncomfortable stare*
Danny Donahue:	[uncomfortable stare]

---

Brian Fantana:	No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Brian Fantana:	No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries. Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.

---

Brick Tamland:	I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brick Tamland:	I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana:	Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

---

Cal:	You know how I know you're gay? I saw you make spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.
Cal:	You know how I know you're gay?
David:	How?
Cal:	I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.

---

Billy:	Nothing like two dudes and a dog making candles.
Ned:	Such a cliche.

---

Pete:	It looks like our comouter has chicken pox
Pete:	Looks like your computer has chicken pox.

---

Cindy:	Who's the man?
Cindy:	Who's the man Ned?
Ned:	You are?
Ned:	I'm the man!
Cindy:	Who's the man, Ned?
Cindy:	Louder!
Ned:	Uh, Jesus, me.
Cindy:	Yes, say it. Who's the man?
Cindy:	Yes.
Ned:	Who's the man...
Cindy:	Who's the...no say it, I'm the man.
Ned:	You're the man.
Cindy:	You're the man!
Ned:	I'm the man.
Ned:	That's right.
Cindy:	Say it!
Cindy:	Louder!
Ned:	I'm the man!!
Cindy:	Yes! Come on!

---

Andy Stitzer:	You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.
David:	What?

---

Mel Hamilton:	"I'd like to see you have a little direction"
Mel Hamilton:	I'd like to see you have a little direction.
Cher Horowitz:	"I have direction!"
Cher Horowitz:	I have direction!
Josh:	"yeah, towards the mall"
Josh:	Yeah, towards the mall.

---

Ned:	[to his parol officer] I broke down, I went and smoked with the kid that lives across the street from me.

---