Seth Rogen

Dave Skylark:	Haters gonna hate ... and ain'ters gonna ain't.
Aaron Rapaport:	That is not an actual thing that people say.

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Steven Wozniak:	It's not binary. You can be a genius AND be a decent man.
Steven Wozniak:	It's not binary. You can be a genius and be a decent man.

Fogell:	What's it like having guns?
Officer Michaels:	It is awesome, Mclovin, it's mind-boggling. I haven't had for long, only a few months, but it's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill a man.

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Mac Radner:

Never funny

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Mac Radner:

I thought it was stupid. Very few funny parts. Young teens will love it

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Mac Radner:

Delta Si Has The Upper Hand!

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Carl Peterson:	Why don't you watch it in your house.
Neil:	Because I can't have friends over on weeknights and you know that.

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Michael Cera:	Everybody listen up! Who took my fucking cell phone man? Martin, empty your pockets!
Martin Starr:	What?
Michael Cera:	I saw you in the bathroom, man! Somebody dial my phone! Unbelievable! Unacceptable, after coke I wasted on you people, thrown away!
Seth Rogen:	*Street light starts falling* Whoa, whoa!
Seth Rogen:	Whoa, whoa!
Michael Cera:	*Street light impales Micheal and lifts him up* *He pulls out his ringing phone* Shit, that's embarrassing
Michael Cera:	Shit, that's embarrassing

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Seth Rogen:	I'm a victim. I've had a victim's mentality my whole life. People could smell it on me. When I was a kid, I had man titties, the bullies held me down, they titty fucked me.
James Franco:	That's what's happening out there!

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Seth Rogen:

You think this is Skynet? Synet went live?

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Jay Baruchel:	The power of Christ compels you!
Jonah Hill:	Does it Jay?
Jonah Hill:	Does it jay?
Jay Baruchel:	THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!
Jonah Hill:	Does it Jay? Do I look compelled Jay? Let me tell you, its not very compelling!
Seth Rogen:	What are you just quoting the Exorcist
Jay Baruchel:	Yes dude it was a fucking training manual! I'm pretty sure they did their fucking research!
Jay Baruchel:	Yes dude, it was a fucking training manual! I'm pretty sure they did their fucking research!

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Graeme Willy:	How can I understand you; are you using some sort of neuro-language router?
Paul:	Or, maybe I'm speaking ENGLISH, you fucking idiot!
Paul:	Or, maybe I'm speaking English, you fucking idiot!

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Danny McBride:	We should just stay in here, fortify this bitch, and take it into all the food and shit we have.
Seth Rogen:	We got: twelve bottles of water, fifty-six beers, half-ounce sour diesel, one ounce of shrooms, Nutella, CT Crunch...a Milky Way?
Seth Rogen:	We got: twelve bottles of water, fifty-six beers, half-ounce sour diesel, one ounce of shrooms, Nutella, CT Crunch. A Milky Way?
Jonah Hill:	Can I have that Milky Way?
James Franco:	No, you can't have the Milky Way. It's my special food, I like it.
Seth Rogen:	I want some of the Milky Way.
Craig Robinson:	I'd be pretty bummed if I don't at least get a bite of the Milky Way.

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Jay Baruchel:	Can we please go to fucking Carl's Jr.?
Seth Rogen:	Uh...I'm on a cleanse.
Seth Rogen:	Uh. I'm on a cleanse.
Jay Baruchel:	So, you're not drinking, you're not smoking weed...
Jay Baruchel:	So, you're not drinking, you're not smoking weed?
Seth Rogen:	I'm on a cleanse, I'm not psychotic.

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Ben Stone:

[watching Cheaper by the Dozen after taking mushrooms] This isn't funny. This guy's got twelve kids, that's not funny. That's a lot of responsibility to just be... laughing about. This is sick. This is a sick movie. I gotta turn this off. It's freaking me out.

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Ben Stone:

You know how they say to never drink and drive? Well, never drink and bone.

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Ben Stone:

You think I'm an inventor? "He created a dick-skin condom, He hollowed out a penis and put it on", what the fuck?

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Ben Stone:

Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.

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Ben Stone:	Do you want to do it doggie style?
Alison Scott:	You're not going to fuck me like a dog.
Ben Stone:	It's doggie style. It's just the style. We don't have to go outside or anything.

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Jason:	I had the chicken pox THREE times. I have no immunity to it.
Ben Stone:	We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.
Jason:	It's not herpes if it's everywhere.

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Alison Scott:	Why don't you go FUCK your FUCKING Bong?
Ben Stone:	I will! I'll do it doggy style, too! For once!

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Ben Stone:	That's because Steely Dan Gargles my balls.
Ben Stone:	That's because Steely Dan gargles my balls.

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Ben's Dad:	I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
Ben Stone:	I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Ben's Dad:	Yes.
Ben Stone:	Now I'm starting to feel a little sorry for YOU...

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Alison Scott:	I was drunk!
Ben Stone:	Was your vagina drunk?

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Ben Stone:

[to Alison] I'm sorry I'm sweating on you...

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Joyce Brewster:	If all the kids in the world were lined up and I was to pick one kid for myself Andy, it will always be you.
Andy Brewster:	I wouldn't let you pick anyone else mom.

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Joyce Brewster:	Who the hell are you?
Andy Brewster:	Mom, you're in the wrong car!

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Ricky Danforth:	'Didn't your dad like...stab your mom?'
Ricky Danforth:	Didn't your dad like... stab your mom?

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Joyce Brewster:	You want to drive to drive cross country with me?
Andy Brewster:	Yeah! No!

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Dale Denton:	Coucous, the food's so nice, they named it twice
Dale Denton:	Coucous, the food's so nice, they named it twice.

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Paul:

You'll know it when you see it.

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Zack Brown:	Ziggy? Is that even in fucking papers anymore? No, man.
Delaney:	Fuck you, Ziggy's a comic. It's right next to Family Circus.
Zack Brown:	No, I mean.. Spider-Man and shit.

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Kyle:	Have you got a picture?
Adam:	Why would I be carrying a picture of it?

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Kyle:

You smell like you fucked the cast of The View.

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Ricky Danforth:	Didn't your Dad, like, stab your mom?
Ricky Danforth:	Yeah, but didn't your dad like stab your mom?

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Kyle:	she doesn't ? No fucking shit she doesn't like to. No one likes putting a dick in their mouth. You do it cause .. that's why they are called blowjobs .. it's a job
Kyle:	She does...No fucking shit she doesn't like to! Who likes putting dicks in their mouth? You do it cause that's why they call it blow jobs! It's a job!

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Captain:

Hello... Kitty and Catty...

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Officer Michaels:	I assume you all have guns and crack
Officer Michaels:	I assume you all have guns and crack.

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Paul:

Clive likes boning space bears!

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Katie:	B.O.B.: Wait, is it the whole 'there isn't a jar in the world I can't open' thing again? Did you find a jar you couldn't open? Did it have pickles in it? Where is the giant jar of pickles!?
B.O.B.:	Wait, is it the whole 'there isn't a jar in the world I can't open' thing again? Did you find a jar you couldn't open? Did it have pickles in it? Where is the giant jar of pickles!?

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Graeme Willy:	Are you an alien?
Paul:	To you I am, yes.
Graeme Willy:	Are you gonna probe us
Paul:	Why does everyone always assume that, what am I doing? Am a harvesting farts?

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Kyle:	I did it! I fucking nailed you! I've hated you for months and now I have fucking evidence that you suck as a person
Kyle:	I did it! I fucking nailed you! I've hated you for months and now I have fucking evidence that you suck as a person.

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Kyle:

And I would like to present to you what I have grown to call exhibit whore!

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Paul:	yo fuck nuts,its probing time
Paul:	Yo fuck nuts, its probing time.

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Saul Silver:	hey look its like my thumb is my cock
Saul Silver:	Hey look, it's like my thumb is my cock. Heh heh...
Dale Denton:	thats not gonna get us a ride man
Dale Denton:	That's not going to get us a ride, man.

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Robert:	(with shotgun) You assholes do exactly what I say or I will take you outside and FUCK YOU IN THE STREET!
Robert:	[with shotgun] You assholes do exactly what I say or I will take you outside and FUCK YOU IN THE STREET!
Saul Silver:	No, don't do that.
Dale Denton:	Don't fuck us anywhere.

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Ricky Danforth:	I like your...boobs.
Ricky Danforth:	I like your boobs.

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Mantis:	I cant feel my face
Mantis:	I can't feel my face.

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Kyle:

Of course she doesn't like to. No one likes putting a dick in their mouth.

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Zack:

Miriam Linky, will you have sex with me on camera for money?

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Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.:	[To Susan Murphy (now Ginormica)] As you can see,..he has no brain.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.:	[to Susan Murphy (now Ginormica)] As you can see...he has no brain.
B.O.B.:	Turns out, you don't need one!

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Paul:	What's new, fatty?
Clive Gollings:	It's not fat, Paul, it's power. So rude!

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Zack:	give me two popsicle sticks and a rubber band and i'll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy magiver.
Zack:	You give me a two popsicle sticks and a rubber band and I'll find a way to fuck it like a filthy MacGyver.

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Kyle:

Did he say I was a dick? 'Cause I'm not.

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Kyle:	Who found it?
Adam:	(Sarcastically)My cleaning lady found it in the back of my jeans..who do you think found it?!?
Adam:	[sarcastically] My cleaning lady found it in the back of my jeans..who do you think found it?

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Kato:	I donâ??t want to talk. I barely speak English.
Kato:	I don't want to talk. I barely speak English.
Britt Reid/The Green Hornet:	Youâ??re speaking English right now!
Britt Reid/The Green Hornet:	You're speaking English right now!

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Britt Reid/The Green Hornet:	The Green Hornet and his reliable partner. The Blue Wombat.
Britt Reid/The Green Hornet:	The Green Hornet. His reliable partner, the Blue Wombat.

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Officer Michaels:

Prepared to be fucked by the long dick of the law!

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Zack:	Brandon is the star of such adult fare as...what was it?
Zack:	Brandon is the star of such adult fare as... what was it?
Brandon:	You Better Shut Your Mouth Before I Fuck It
Brandon:	You better shut your mouth before I fuck it.

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Morton:	The kangaroo has gone mad. She's telling everyone that you think there are people living on specks. She even went to Vlad!
Horton:	Vlad..I know two Vlads: the bad Vlad and the bunny that makes cookies!
Horton:	Vlad.. I know two Vlads: the bad Vlad and the bunny that makes cookies!
Morton:	Yeah, Horton, she's sending you a bunny with cookies.

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Paul:	It’s pretty strong shit, I got it from the military, actually. This is the stuff that killed Dylan.
Paul:	It?s pretty strong shit, I got it from the military, actually. This is the stuff that killed Dylan.
Paul:	It's pretty strong shit, I got it from the military, actually. This is the stuff that killed Dylan.
Graeme Willy:	Bob Dylan’s not dead.
Graeme Willy:	Bob Dylan?s not dead.
Graeme Willy:	Bob Dylan's not dead.
Paul:	Isn’t he?
Paul:	Isn't he?

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Cal:	u gotta hummer from the tranny didn't ya
Cal:	You got a hummer from the tranny, didn't you?

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Cal:	she likes u man
Cal:	She likes you, man.
David:	too bad i retired my penis
David:	Too bad I retired my penis.

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Andy Stitzer:	hold my hand
Andy Stitzer:	Hold my hand.
Cal:	r u kidding me man
Cal:	Are you kidding me?
Andy Stitzer:	hold my goddamn hand man
Andy Stitzer:	Hold my goddamn hand, man!

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Cal:	u know whats a fun game u take 3 excedrin pms and u see if u can wack off before u fall asleep.u always win..is the best part about the game
Cal:	You know what's a fun game? You take 3 excedrin pms and u see if u can wack off before u fall asleep.u always win..is the best part about the game
Cal:	You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game
Cal:	You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game.

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B.O.B.:	Wait, is it the whole "there isn't a jar in the world I can't open" thing again? Did you find a jar you couldn't open? Did it have pickles in it? Where is the giant jar of pickles!?!?!?!
B.O.B.:	Wait, is it the whole 'there isn't a jar in the world I can't open' thing again? Did you find a jar you couldn't open? Did it have pickles in it? Where is the giant jar of pickles!?

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Kyle:	You could have totally fucked the shit out of that girl.
Kyle:	You could have totally fucked the shit out of that girl.
Adam:	No one wants to fuck me. I look like Voldemort....
Adam:	No one wants to fuck me. I look like Voldemort.

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Paul:

I'm not gonna eat a DEAD bird, am I?

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Zack:	We're gonna have a lot of fun, but more importantly we're gonna make a lot of money
Zack:	We're gonna have a lot of fun, but more importantly we're gonna make a lot of money.

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Paul:	Oh yeah! Then how do you explain me? (Coming out of the bathroom and making Ruth faint)
Paul:	Oh yeah! Then how do you explain me? [coming out of the bathroom and making Ruth faint]

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Paul:	Hello, I'm Paul. (Clive faints)
Paul:	Hello, I'm Paul. [Clive faints]

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Saul Silver:	Its out bro. Monkey's out of the bottle man!
Dale Denton:	What!?
Dale Denton:	What?
Saul Silver:	Yeah!
Dale Denton:	Thats not even an expression!!
Dale Denton:	Thats not even an expression!

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Paul:

This is America; kidnapping a Christian? That's worse than harboring a fugitive!

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Paul:	I think we can all learn a lesson from this. Be yourself, speak from the heart, some shit like that.
Paul:	Well it's safe to say we've all learned something from this, be yourself, speak from your heart, some shit like that...

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Paul:	This ship takes off very fast, its a little awkward!!
Paul:	This spaceship takes off really slowly. It's a little awkward.

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Clive Gollings:	I'm starving...
Clive Gollings:	I'm starving.
Paul:	What's new, fatty?
Clive Gollings:	It's not fat, Paul, it's power. You're so rude...
Clive Gollings:	It's not fat, Paul. It's power. You're so rude.

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Cal:	You know how I know you're gay? I saw you make spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.
Cal:	You know how I know you're gay?
David:	How?
Cal:	I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.

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Paul:

Stoke the fire!

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Adam:	You really think that a girl is going to go for me just 'cause I have cancer?
Kyle:	For the millionth time. YES!

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Kyle:

If you were a casino game, you would have the best odds.

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Dale Denton:	WOW! The f#ck was that?
Dale Denton:	Whoa! What the fuck was that?
Saul Silver:	I tired to hit that tree and I missed.
Saul Silver:	I was trying to hit that tree. I missed.
Dale Denton:	What tree?!
Dale Denton:	What tree?
Dale Denton:	That one.
Saul Silver:	That one.
Dale Denton:	Why don't you smash it on a rock like a normal person? Like I did.
Dale Denton:	Why didn't you smash it on a rock like a normal person like I did?
Saul Silver:	How often does somebody smash things? I'm rusty.
Saul Silver:	I don't know! How often does somebody smash things? I'm rusty, fuck.

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Saul Silver:	I don't know! Call your phone.
Dale Denton:	What?! My phone has been smashed.

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Ronnie Barnhardt:

I love tango after midnight.

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Paul:	Clive likes boning space bears.
Paul:	[sings] Clive likes boning space bears!

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Paul:	Get your goddamn hands off my motherfuckin junk!!!
Paul:	[after getting frisked inappropriately by O'Reilly] Get your goddamn hands off my motherfuckin' junk!

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Paul:

I'm not gonna eat a dead bird, am I?

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Britt Reid/The Green Hornet:

It's not dying that you need be afraid of, it's never having lived in the first place.

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Graeme Willy:	Are you gonna probe us?!
Graeme Willy:	Are you gonna probe us?
Paul:	Why does everyone always assume that?! What am I doing? harvesting farts?! How much can I learn from an ass?!

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Hogsqueal:	Fly as you want. Griffin! I swallowed an ogre whole. You could be next!
Hogsqueal:	Fly as you want. Griffin! I swallowed an ogre whole. You could be next!

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Tigress:	If he's smart he won't come back up those stairs.
Monkey:	But he will.
Viper:	He's not going to quit, is he?
Mantis:	I'll tell you what, he's not gonna quit bouncing.

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Paul:	Why are we holding hands?
Graeme Willy:	So we look like a family. Just a couple of regular guys walking down the street...with a small cowboy.
Graeme Willy:	So we look like a family. We're just a couple of regular guys, walking down the street, with a small cowboy.
Graeme Willy:	So we look like a family. Just a couple of regular guys, walking down the street, with a small cowboy.

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Mantis:	I never thought I'd die this way. I always thought I'd find a nice girl; we'd settle down... and then she'd eat my head.
Mantis:	I didn't think I would die like this. I thought it would end with me settling down with a nice girl. She would bite my head off.

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Zack:	SWALLOW MY COCKACCINO!
Zack:	Swallow my Cockaccino.

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Mantis:	I didn't think I would die like this!! I thought I would settle down, then have my wife bite my head off..
Mantis:	I didn't think I would die like this. I thought it would end with me settling down with a nice girl. She would bite my head off.

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Mantis:

I never thought I'd die this way, I always tought I would settle down with a nice girl and she would eat my head.

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Mantis:

You know I never had daddy problems, maybe it was because my mom ate his head before I was born, I don't know.

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Cal:	I touched a guy's balls once in Hebrew School.

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Bubbles:	Can he slap that ass a little
Bubbles:	Can he slap her ass a little?
Zack:	Don't be a perv!
Zack:	Don't be a fucken pervert dude!

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Zack:	I apologise in advance if I am out of line here, but are you in gay porn?
Brandon:	Guilty as charged
Brandon:	Guilty as charged.

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Tigress:	Where's Po?
Mantis:	How can we lose a guy that big?

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