Harvester - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

Harvester Reviews

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February 6, 2017
You just know you are in for a bad time when you pick a movie from a Steven Seagal 4-Pack from Mill Creek to watch. Attack Force is a 2006 thing they are labeling a film. It's far from that. It's in 7 words, One Of The Worst Movies Ever Made. And this reviewer has seen movies with Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill in them.

The trouble starts early in the opening scene where a group of bad guys that look like the good guys almost are escaping while being shot at. They somehow hide motorbikes, covered in the parking lot of the place they are breaking into to steal some thing. After they steal the thing they fight their way out, now with dozens of guards shooting at them. They somehow get to the bikes and uncover them. Time to escape right!

While they are being shot at they stop and think of their own safety and put on European enforced law abiding bike helmets. Are you kidding me! When your life is on the line and could be killed any second are you going to stop and strap on a damn helmet, check your mirrors, the PSI of your tyres? No! Ugh so dumb. So dumb!

This might be the most comprehensible part of the movie. What follows is a slug fest. One that takes multiple times to get through. This is a film you just have on the background as noise. It's so bad it should be on Netflix streaming! You won't be able to handle the plot, if you can call it that. Or the cookie cutter bland acting.

Everybody dresses the same, freakin everybody! The costume department must have scored a huge lot of all black clothes and gave them to everybody in the film. It's not enjoyable in any way. I'm not even having fun writing about it. I'm holding back the urge to just scream!

Apparently the film was shot as an action movie but also at the same time as a sci-fi thriller. I guess they were going to put it together in editing but turned it into an action movie instead. (According to Wikipedia, if that means anything) So when the left overs of sci-fi version come in it just seems bad. Worse than what might appear on the Sci-Fi Channel. Can I un-watch this? Yes, I did finish it. There is no pay off. It all builds up to some action at the end but it's just not worth the eye torture.

The biggest offense is the plot and the fact that over half of Steven Seagal's lines are over-dubbed. That would be fine if he did the voices. Nope! Some other guy did them that sounds nothing like him. Even there are times where he speaks buy Seagal's mouth is not moving. This movie is a turd. It's a mess and not finished. There are some other spotty voice-over work as well, but nothing as bad as Seagals.

Another detractor is they motion blur out an exposed nipple on a girl wearing a sexy outfit. Why? It's clearly a rated R movie. Probably close to a hundred people die in the movie, some really brutally. But noooooo! A nipple!

At the end of the movie they enter this old castle for some reason. I think the bad guy is trying to turn everybody in the city into a vampire or something by putting drugs in the water supply. What is he a Ninja Turtle villain? It makes no freakin sense. This set looks just like a set. The lighting will make you think it was a student film. It's so jarring, there is no screen direction. It's just a rambled upon set of moving pictures. My head hurts even remembering it.

They follow the formula of showing a nice exterior then going inside to show the audience where they are. Later they stop doing this and you get so confused. Even when they do show the building it's not very accurate of what the inside sets look like. It's just some building. Even in the on-screen text they just mention something similar as 'somewhere in Europe'. My mind can't handle much more!

Ok, so we know this is not some kind of award winning package. But we just came to see Steven Seagal kick ass. But the movie fails at that. Most of the time Steven is sitting on a couch in all black looking bored and saying parts of dialog that's all put together by the editor. It makes no sense. He does have a few fights, but they are so closely filmed that you can't really see what's going on. Other times a little Asian guy is following him around jumping all around like a cartoon character while at least Seagal is looking tactical. Its just bad. Please don't watch this movie. There is absolutely nothing to be gained or enjoyed from it.

So if you are going to watch the movie anyways. Here's what you do. Open the DVD. Put the audio to Spanish and put the subtitles on. I'm sure it will make more sense.

Best Actor : Lisa Lovbrand as Tia

The acting is not particularly bad. Just the script is terrible. Of the main characters I guess Lisa Lovbrand did the best job. I don't know. Not much to write home about on this movie. They try to build up a backstory with Lisa and Seagal's character but when she's just randomly killed at the end of the movie, it's all for not. What a letdown.
Worst Actor: Film Editor

We are giving this award to the film editor Jonathan Brayley for the piss-poor job of over-dubbing most of the dialog in the movie and doing an absolutely terrible job at it. Go pack boxes for career instead. Second place award goes to the director Michael Keusch.

Best Scene: When It Was Over

Nothing. There is literally nothing good about this movie. It's like the McDonalds Dollar Menu.

Worst Scene : All Of Them

Its garage. Big, smelly, rotting, garbage. Even Al Gore would not want to recycle this.

Improvements

Just scrap it. Watching two old guys playing checkers is more exciting.

Hits
-A discount version of Blade.
-Great learning tool for filmmakers on what not to do.
-....? Still better than a Jonah Hill movie!

Misses
-Everything.
-Terrible over-dubbed voices.
-Plot is a sheer mess. It's unwatchable.

Rating: F (We only rate out of 5 here)
½ March 2, 2016
Without a doubt one of his worst. Loosely cobbled together mess. What appears to have originally been some sort of Blade knock off, has been recut and seemingly rewritten entirely in post production into something more generic. Tons of terrible dubbing and rubbish action scenes. I kind of want to see what was originally intended because that seemed marginally better.
½ May 16, 2015
By far Steven's worst movie. Not even so bad that it's good like Out for a Kill. Just a shit flick and that's the first time I'm calling his movie shit.
December 30, 2014
Attack Force était censé être le premier film de science-fiction avec Steven Seagal. A la place, c'est un sombre thriller avec des gangsters est-européens, un réalisateur incompétent, déjà coupable de l'immonde Shadow Man, des acteurs à la limite du professionnel et surtout un Steven Seagal qui se bat à peine et dont la voix est doublée 75% du temps par un imitateur pathétique. C'est d'autant plus marquant lorsque sa voix change dans la même scène. Attack Force est un film particulièrement ennuyeux, mal fichu et incompréhensible. Le DTV Seagal par excellence.
February 4, 2014
I bought the Seagal 6 boxset and this was the first that I watched. I don't demand too much from action films, and this film gets 1.5 stars.

The direction is pretty bad, no-one who is any good would touch this film as the script is like a desert, void of any humour or wit, although if there had been I'm not sure Seagal or any of his gun fodder friends could have delivered it.

As per most of Seagal's films, he finds himself in a situation that demands that he go after the bad guys and kill them, these days even Seagal is bored of the script and bad lighting so he nonchalantly plods through the film, dust and debris not even smearing the makeup on his podgy face as all of his buddies are either thrown through walls, blown up or butchered.

The final showdown is between Seagal and a guy, Seagal employing the use of blades attached to his hands, because of course Seagal and his evil opponents like to keep it old school, ditching the maching guns and glocks in favour of wrestling around, grunting and trying to stab each other.

The ending tells it all, as after the showdown, Seagal and and his last standing mate run to their truck and leave, that's exactly what they should have done after reading the script.
January 11, 2014
fIRST OF ALL WHATS UP WITH STEVEN SEGALS'S VOICE BEING DUBBED IN PARTS OF THE MOVIE? It would be one thing todubb a whole segment but to go back and forth between the same scene just isnt kosher. also in the final fight scene between Lawson and the Queen he cuts her from belley button to just even with her left breast. 15 seconds later it shows her cut from belley button to the right breast and then 5 seconds later back to left breast. Guess the editor couldnt make up hios mind which breast looked better. Not even close to his best work.
½ December 15, 2013
Très nul mais très drole.
½ December 8, 2013
I've seen a lot of bad movies. I don't think I've seen one worse than this.

Highlights:
-Half of Seagal's dialogue is dubbed by someone that sounds nothing like him.
-The writers were understandably proud of the line "Revenge is a two-way street," because it's repeated three times (by three different characters.)
-Andre the Giant has a posse; Steven Seagal has a favorite A-team.
Super Reviewer
½ November 23, 2013
Such a dud, to many ideas for a small production. Acting is bad and seagal is looking very tired.
November 2, 2013
Love Steven Seagal. Great movie.
July 11, 2013
This film is total trash. Terrible acting garbage plot and s*** ending. None of this film makes any sense. And also the voice dubbing in this film is horrible. I hate to say it but this is one steven seagal film u should skip. I mean it don't bother watching this garbage film it is that bad
April 12, 2013
Didn't enjoy this Seagal film!
½ November 17, 2012
This movie was so bad I don't want to talk about it.
½ November 4, 2012
Terrible, horrible, terrible! Yes it deserves two terribles. Do not look directly into the screen because its a full frontal assault on all the senses. Dialogue that is so downright vomit worthy that you should either wear noise-canceling headphones or prepare to fill bucket after bucket. And the acting, or lack thereof, it's preposterous that someone was given the green light to produce this piece of crap script, with these so-called "actors" and a production level that is just below our family home videos. And make sure to bring the nachos because this movie packs in the cheese... tons of it! OK, I feel better now... WAIT! I just remembered, Steven Segal is in old-Chinese film quality dubbed over for roughly half the film. How? Why? I am so utterly confused by this film, I am going to go crawl into the fetal position now and cry.
September 26, 2012
I didn't like the over-dubb they did at points in the movie on Steven's voice, and they made it seem like he was fighting aliens this time.
½ September 3, 2012
Even for Seagal this film is dogshit, dont bother with the plot it wont add up. Its defenitely a horrendous film
August 14, 2012
Expect the worst to happen, lol.
August 12, 2012
A new low for even Steven Seagal. The film was apparently originally shot as a sci-fi/horror film, but then later reshot and re-dubbed (without Seagal) to change it a story about an alien invasion to a story about a drug that make people invincible killers. But even given that, I'm still not sure a director's cut of the film would be all that much better.
May 14, 2012
II <333 STEVEN SEAGAL
April 7, 2012
You know, On deadly ground may be bad. But it isn't the horrible knife in the gut bad that this boring dubbed over tripe is featuring Segal basically wording most of his lines to a anonymous dubber who speaks for him most of the time. Other than that, Seagal is out of shape big time in this flick and it shows badly
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