The Astro-Zombies - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

The Astro-Zombies Reviews

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½ June 18, 2010
The usual boring at times, but still ridiculous schlock.
½ May 27, 2010
Really more of a spy film than a scfi-horror. Yes John Carradine and his well studied dialog were in it and yes Tura Satana and her cleavage were in it but it was still boring.
In some of the scenes the lighting was vary dark and it was hard to tell what was going on. I saw blood that looked more like kool-aid, heard sound effects that sounded like they were stolen from Star Trek, and felt awfully sorry for the poor actors who had to ware the zombie skull-helmets.
Unless you've made a life commitment to watch as many cult flicks as you can ,like I have, stay clear from this one.
Super Reviewer
½ May 14, 2010
This is such a quality motion picture that it took me three viewings before I got all the way through it without falling asleep. Bad acting, abysmal special effects and a ridiculous monster -- the scene of him running through the streets holding a flashlight to his forehead to recharge his power cell is priceless. John Carradine's scenes seem to have been filmed completely separate from anyone else's in that he never appears with any of the other actors, but rather spends all his time in his laboratory. A load of crap that really needs weird friends and alcohol to be properly appreciated.
February 10, 2010
I'm not saying I have a medical degree or anything, but SOLAR-POWERED HEARTS??? I can see a few problems with this.

Note to all aspiring filmmakers: hire an editor! You don't have to use every single second of footage you record in your actual movie. It's bad enough watching a man collect "blood" in a plastic container, but we don't need to watch John Carradine watching him!
½ October 4, 2009
cheesy b-sci-fi goodness. plus Tura Satana is in it which is always a good time!
½ September 16, 2009
I'll admit, this movie is a bit slow and boring and sometimes drags on, but Tura Satana! Zombies that run on batteries! Zombies made for space! Come on, this is great stuff, haha!
½ August 4, 2009
A funny and entertaining Trash Movie about Zombies from outer Space with the beautiful Tura Santana
March 22, 2009
Ted V. Mikels is one of those filmmakers who is spoken of in the most glowing of terms by creatives and B-movie fans alike. However, from what little exposure I've had to his work, I think he might be to those enthusiasts as Charles Band and Full Moon is to me: You either like his movies or your don't.

In the case of Mikels, I think I may be in the "don't" category. I've only seen two, but I was led to believe that "The Astro-Zombies" was among his best. Maybe I was misled--it could be a fellow reviewer was playing a cruel prank on me!--but my reaction was that if "The Astro-Zombies" is Mikels' best, then I don't get the appeal.

This is the first of two Ted Mikels Double Feature posts I'll be making. If you have an opinion on his work in general, or these two movies in particular, I'd love to hear it.

The Astro-Zombies (1968)
Starring: John Carradine, Tura Satana, Joan Patrick, Wendell Corey and Tom Pace
Director: Ted V. Mikels
Rating: 4/10 ( :rotten: )

A disgraced NASA researcher (Carradine) trying to create the perfect astronaut using dead bodies, hi-tech, and radio waves uses the brain of a homicidal maniac for one of this creations... and it runs amok. A sinister Mexican spy ring gets wind of his creation and dispatch sultry psycho Satana (Satana) to secure it for their use as a super-soldier. Meanwhile, the Astro-Zombie is stalking the beautiful nurse that was the last person he saw while alive (Patrick).

"The Astro-Zombies" is one of those flicks that mix all sorts of genres into a wild B-movie stew. In this sense, it's a In this film, we get horror, we get action, we get spy vs. spy intrigue, we get blood and guts... we get everything but excitement.

Despite all the plots and subplots and characters crammed into this film, it is still very, very boring. If it had clocked in at a crisp 60 minutes, it might not have been so bad, but an additional 20 minutes are added to the running time through padding. We overlong and pointless scenes of Carradine's mad scientist puttering around his lab uttering techno-babble, we have long and pointless scenes of characters driving about, and we have lonmg stretches of badly delivered expository dialogue that's only slightly more boring than watching Carradine puttering around the lab set.

Aside from the padded, we can add that the film is universally badly acted--except perhaps the performances from John Carradine and Joan Patrick, but the characters they play are so archetypal and flat that all they're doing is delivering their lines competently--weakly directed, and full of illogical plot conveniences without which the story would fall apart.

There are a few moments in the film that let us see what might have been if it had been more competently mounted--such as the climactic confrontation between mad doctor, evil secret agent Mexican bitch and Chad Squarejaw of the FBI--but they are too few to save the movie from a very low 4 rating.

Mark of the Astro-Zombies (2002)
Starring: Sean Morelli, Robert Southerland, Tura Satana, Brinke Stevens and Shanti
Director: Ted V. Mikels
Rating: 3/10 ( :rotten: )

Evil aliens unleash machete-wielding Astro-Zombies upon unsuspecting shoppers at mini-malls as a prelude to their plan to invade Earth (I think). While the greatest scientific minds of the United States try to figure out where these murderers are coming from, an opportunistic psychopath (Satana) sets about conning intelligence agencies from around the world that she commands the unstoppable killers and that they can be theirs for the right price.

"Mark of the Astro-Zombies" is a kinda-sorta sequel to the 1968 "cult classic" from the same writer/director, although the connections make absolutely no sense. (Why do the alien Astro-Zombies look like the ones created by an Earthling in the first movie? Why did it take the twin sister of the evil Mexican femme fatale super agent in the first movie 35 years to mount her revenge? And just how and why did they keep John Carradine's head alive for all that time?)

The film further suffers from two major problems. First, it feels like director Ted V. Mikels took the approach "we shot the scene, so we gotta use it!", which leads to a number of redundant and repetative dialogue exchanges, many of which have absolutely nothing to do with the main thrust of the story and just serve to bore and annoy viewers. Second, it's script is so atrociously bad both in story organization and in dialogue that I sincerely hope it was ad-libbed from a loose outline and that said outline morphed as filming took place. The only thing that works in the script is the comedy... oh, wait. The comedy here is almost entirely unintention. NOTHING works in the script!

There are a few ideas here that made me give the film a very generous rating of 3. The notion of an uscrupulous and well-connected member of the intelligence community attempting to take advantage of a global crisis to con corrupt regimes like Iran, North Korea, China and Venezula out of piles of money is pretty cool. It's completely botched here due to a non-existent budget (if international spies can be fooled into thinking a guy in a Halloween mask is an industructable super-soldier, then it's not at all surprising that Saddam Hussein fooled them all into thinking he had nukes and chemical weapons) and sloppy writing.

Despite liking some of the ideas in the film, there is really nothing here to recommend it. The behind-the-scenes footage included on the DVD make it look like everyone had a good time making the movie--and I get that sense from watching the film unfold as well--but the end product is simply not worth the time you'll waste watching it.
January 10, 2009
Great Misfits song... Terrible fucking movie.
December 21, 2008
This movie is almost so bad that it's great. I mean, when one of the solar powered zombies is out as night, he holds a flashlight to his solar panel. How great is that? There are long stretches of nothingness and boredom that keep this from being a true camp classic. I wonder is the Misfits song was based on this movie?
½ December 8, 2008
At points, this really bad film transcends its badness and achieves campy Nirvana. Most of the time it's just the regular, non-amusing kind of bad.
October 11, 2008
The Zombies aren't from space, Carradine looks embarrassed and Satana doesn't show her boobs. There is a bit of gore and a weird curtain striptease though, so what more can you say?
August 13, 2008
Great concepts poorly executed. Lots of wasted film like the scene in the lab where the agents try to use the girl as bait- and fail. She looked about as bored as I was watching it. Satana's body saves what is otherwise a painfully awful classic. See it once for the street cred, then be glad you never have to again.
½ July 31, 2008
A fine joke of a film. The titillating cover is pretty inaccurate as there's only two zombies and they are definitely not from space. SIGH
July 28, 2008
yes, this movie is as bad as it sounds. I loved every minute of it.
February 24, 2008
Oooh, I DO love creatures on the rampage.
January 31, 2008
dans son genre c est du bonbon
½ January 1, 2008
This is a movie where you are definitely not going to want a clock in plain sight, because if you are like me you will be repeatedly glancing at the time in anxious arrival of the ending. It's hard to give this an honest review because I was born in the 80's and I have no idea what kind of impact this movie would of had on myself had I seen it in it's original time period so with that in mind, I will prompt some leniency. But I can't let that get in the way of giving my honest opinion. Basically some mad scientist is kidnapping people and then turning them into these uh "astro zombies", I was going to spout off at how cheesy they look but once again lets keep in mind the time period here. Basically the movie revolves around 3 groups of people, the mad scientist, the good guys and then the bad guys. I think one of the most painful scenes to watch was when we are forced to sit through watching the mad scientist in the lab play with the chips, it's god awful... trust me. When all hope was lost for this movie I got to witness some actual gore at the end, with a forehead getting hit with a machete and then a decapitation scene. Yes it's the most ridiculously fake thing you will ever witness, but it gives us a first glimpse into the inspiration of what horror movies are today. All and all a pretty cool concept but dull presentation.
December 5, 2007
Muy espantoso! No mire solo! Gravemente.
November 26, 2007
una pelĂ­cula muy curiosa, hace mucho no la veia, decidĂ­ buscarla aqui para tener el nombre y poder conseguirla despues. Repito, es muy curiosa
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