SPERMIAN's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

Suicide Squad

One of the worst films I have ever seen.

Mud
Mud(2013)

Though the gunplay filled finale seemed slightly out of step with the rest of the film this was still a good movie that benefited greatly from the stellar performances of the two boys and McConaughey.

Frank
Frank(2014)

Entertaining but the third act was a let down. It would have been better suited if they completed the album and went on to bigger things.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2
½

The absence of tension was one of the reasons this film couldn't keep me invested. With no convincing/threatening villains or interesting pieces of dialogue I felt detached from everything that was portrayed on screen. It seemed as if Marc Webb didn't learn from his mistakes on the first film, the editing was just plain awful and the music/score was downright terrible throughout. Having Kendrick Lamar rap over the end credits just felt like an embarrassing way to end a Spider-Man film. An absolute hodgepodge of shit that makes me miss Raimi's films all the more.

The Interview

I'm losing HOPE in ROGEN. His recent string of films have been absolute shit.

Toy Story 3
Toy Story 3(2010)

A disappointment in every sense of the word.

The Lost World - Jurassic Park
½

Has some memorable moments but overall this film was clumsily handled.

Selma
Selma(2014)
½

Very emotional and moving movie that underlines the need for racial empathy.

Maleficent
Maleficent(2014)
½

Well shot but the plot makes little sense.

Nas: Time Is Illmatic

Classic documentary that delves into the creation of the greatest hip hop album of all time as well as the humble beginnings of Nasir Jones, the undisputed GOAT.

Guardians of the Galaxy
½

Tries too hard to be a crowd-pleaser and just ends up being corny.

Snowpiercer
Snowpiercer(2014)

Chris Evans turns in a committed performance but the film is garbage.

Sleeper
Sleeper(1973)
½

Starts off promising but unfortunately the hilarity isn't sustained throughout the film's entirety.

Godzilla
Godzilla(2014)
½

A let down that falls somewhere between terrible and passable. The people who edited the trailers deserve special recognition since they made this disappointing and mediocre film seem like an absolute must see event.

X-Men: Days of Future Past
½

The best X-Men film by far. The ending with Wolverine strolling through the halls of the school after it's all said and done was especially great.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Just when I had lost faith in Marvel Studios and their output of increasingly disappointing, rote and predictable films along comes The Winter Soldier, easily one of the greatest superhero movies ever made. Perfectly paced without a single dull moment, it surpasses Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and The Avengers.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Another win in Rogen's filmography.

X-Men
X-Men(2000)
½

Has a great opening scene then quickly devolves into shit.

The Incredibles

People who list this as one of the best "superhero" films ever are idiotic.

Finding Nemo
Finding Nemo(2003)
½

One of the films that made me begin to lose interest in Pixar.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
½

Not downright terrible but it wastes it's talented cast.

The Way Way Back

Predictable and corny in parts but it mostly works. Sam Rockwell is a great actor who deserves better parts and more recognition.

Jurassic Park III

Better than the second film, and though it contains some very memorable scenes the plot was still perfunctory. With the return of Dr. Alan Grant this film could and should have been so much more.

The Big Chill

"Suicide is the ultimate act of self-absorption."

Dragonslayer
Dragonslayer(1981)
½

Unspectacular fantasy flick with an unlikable protagonist.

Prisoners
Prisoners(2013)
½

Much like True Detective it builds up amazing momentum but falters slightly in the payoff.

Altered States

Should have been the template for The Incredible Hulk.

We're The Millers

I was amused enough to watch it through to the end and it provided some decent laughs.

Romancing the Stone
½

Unspectacular but it made for decent viewing.

Thor: The Dark World

Hemsworth has grown into his role as Thor and continues to improve as an actor but this sequel is severely lacking in substantive character moments and alternates between lame quips and utterly forgettable action sequences. A poor story and weak villain coupled with the fact that it focuses too much on it's corny female characters drags the proceedings down while Hiddleston's Loki and Hopkin's Odin are underused. It is only slighty better than the original, which was one of the worst MCU films. Scrupulous Googums is displeased.

The Two Jakes
½

The story isn't intriguing enough to be labeled as a worthy successor to Chinatown.

Don Jon
Don Jon(2013)

Very good. An assured debut from JGL that reveals him to be a very promising filmmaker/writer.

12 Years a Slave
½

Theme: The perseverance of spirit. A tormentous journey through the psychological horrors endured by a slave. Not as harrowing as I expected but effective nonetheless, with amazing performances throughout.

Dead Man
Dead Man(1995)
½

Sparse, meditative fable on mortality.

Midnight in Paris
½

I was completely enamored with the shifts between reality and fantasy, it made for highly entertaining viewing.

The Godfather, Part III
½

Tries to emotionally tie up the saga of the Corleone family but fails to elicit interest. The film is not as grand in scope as it aspires to be and Sofia Coppola's performance ruins several scenes.

Manhattan
Manhattan(1979)
½

Perfect up until the end.

King Kong
King Kong(2005)

Impressive effects but excessive and overdone.

The Lovely Bones
½

Not thoughtful enough to resonate.

World War Z
World War Z(2013)

Numerous moments are rife with bullshit but it was entertaining nonetheless.

Rango
Rango(2011)

Enjoyable animated flick.

Killer Joe
Killer Joe(2012)
½

Subversively entertaining.

Glazed and Dazed

Women are attention whores.

The Ghost Writer

The conspiratorial reveal wasn't earth-shattering enough to warrant the suspense.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
½

This truncated adaptation is when the Potter series began to lose some of it's magic.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2

The best Harry Potter film and a fitting conclusion.

Frost/Nixon
Frost/Nixon(2008)

Langella's performance as Nixon was unconvincing.

Howard the Duck
½

Bad but not terrible enough to render it unwatchable.

A Brooklyn State of Mind

Michael K. Williams makes a small cameo. The narrative isn't particularly fleshed out but if you like The Sopranos you will probably enjoy this short and quaint mob flick. I watched this along with The Children of Times Square.

Colors
Colors(1988)

Decent cop flick, not profound enough to resonate.

Stand and Deliver

The performance of Olmos carries the film.

Do the Right Thing
½

I didn't feel that Mookie did the right thing.

Malcolm X
Malcolm X(1992)
½

A film of vast importance.

Angel Heart
Angel Heart(1987)
½

Well shot with a great performance by Mickey Rourke but the twist felt conventional. Robert De Niro is also barely in the film.

Oldboy
Oldboy(2005)
½

Started out great but the story's conclusion was stupid.

Red Hook Summer
½

The allegations of pedophilia levied against Enoch derailed the focus of the entire film. From that point onward it meanders towards a resolution that feels perfunctory.

Ordinary People
½

Timothy Hutton's performance had impressive depth for someone who was only 20 years old at the time, though I can't help but feel as if this film would have been greater if more scenes were devoted to Dr. Berger.

Source Code
Source Code(2011)
½

Goosifer nuggets were released from my ass.

Crooklyn
Crooklyn(1994)

Goodhearted, earnest cinema.

Serenity
Serenity(2005)
½

Boring characters and plot.

Mission: Impossible III

Hoffman makes for a very convincing villain.

Miami Vice
Miami Vice(2006)

Starts out very promising then quickly devolves into garbage.

Ray
Ray(2004)

Foxx's performance makes this film worthwhile viewing.

Empire of the Sun

Over-sentimentalized and bogged down by it's direction. The theme, which is the loss of innocence, isn't presented in an effective manner.

No Country for Old Men

Abrupt and peculiar ending detracts from the overall film.

The King's Speech

Terrible and undeserving of Best Picture.

Elysium
Elysium(2013)
½

Matt Damon and the visual effects were great but the plot was rudimentary.

Slither
Slither(2006)
½

Decent horror flick.

Ghostbusters 2
½

Unfocused and meandering.

8 Mile
8 Mile(2002)
½

The greatest hip hop movie of all time, at least until someone makes a phenomenal NaS biopic.

A Good Day To Die Hard

If Bruce Willis truly cared for the character of John McClane then he would have never agreed to partake in such a piece of shit film that stands as a great disservice to the series and to himself as an actor.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Profoundly disappointing. Bilbo is relegated to a supporting role in his own adventure.

Hot Fuzz
Hot Fuzz(2007)

Unfunny for the duration of it's running time.

Easy Rider
Easy Rider(1969)

Awful with a comical ending.

Olympus Has Fallen

A shit film comprised of weak direction,a severely lacking script and phoned in performances.

Pacific Rim
Pacific Rim(2013)

Terrible, unsuitably cartoonish.

Killing Them Softly

Boring and simple minded. Simply put this is a terrible film.

The Muppets
The Muppets(2011)

Induces non-stop cringes. An absolute piece of shit.

King of New York

Absolute fucking garbage.

Reds
Reds(1981)

Overlong film where the subject matter is handled in a manner that makes for an uninteresting cinematic experience.

Zero Dark Thirty

One of the worst films I have ever seen.

Marvel's The Avengers
½

A good film that feels like a TV movie at times and doesn't live up to its promise.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
½

A great script and score coupled with Carrey's nuanced performance makes this a must watch.

The Machinist

Christian Bale's performance and gaunt appearance alone offsets any doubts levied towards the story's resolution.

Following
Following(1999)
½

Sweat drenched cheeks.

Memento
Memento(2000)

Devolves into gorgonzola cheese.

Donnie Darko
Donnie Darko(2001)
½

Great and filled to the brim with intrigue.

E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial
½

Since this film isn't nostalgic for me I can't view it in an objective light: It's pretty unspectacular.

Saving Private Ryan

Over dramatic in a way that undermines the bleakness of war.

Pi
Pi(1998)

Black and white tale of a man tormented by a sequence of 216 numbers that represent God's true name. Infused with a memorable score.

Donnie Brasco

For a true life story of a man going undercover and infiltrating the mob it lacks sufficent suspense and tension.

Stand Up Guys

Predictable with a weak ending but imminently watchable thanks to the dearth of talent on display.

Scent of a Woman

Wisely steers clear of over-sentimentality.

Carlito's Way
½

Disappointing considering Scarface was their previous collaboration.

The Simpsons Movie

Corny environment centric story that is unbefitting of a feature length film.

Robin Hood
Robin Hood(2010)

The point where it became noticeable that Ridley Scott had lost touch.

Signs
Signs(2002)
½

Shyamalan's last great film.

The Social Network

As enthralling as a film about the creation of a website could possibly be.

Dazed and Confused

One of the greatest films ever.

The Great Gatsby
½

Tobey Maguire was miscast, and this is spoken by someone who loves his other film roles. The continued anachronistic use of music only served to cheapen the experience and made me tune out slightly. Leonardo DiCaprio was the film's only saving grace, though there was one particularly amazing sequence that forced me to hit rewind several times.

The Hangover Part III

Coasts to the finish with minimal laughs.

Cloud Atlas
Cloud Atlas(2012)
½

The disparate narratives needed to be more overtly interconnective in order for the film to have worked on a meaningful level.

With Great Power: The Stan Lee Story
½

Well done but cursory look at the achievements of a legend.

Blue Is The Warmest Color

Even at three hours plus I was consistently intrigued by the developing relationship of the two leads as well as the lesbian sex scenes.

Pain & Gain
Pain & Gain(2013)
½

Piss poor handling of what should have been a balanced and nerve wracking true to life story.

Bad Boys II
Bad Boys II(2003)

An action movie done right, interspersed with great comedy.

Pineapple Express
½

Rogen and Franco comedy classic.

Being John Malkovich
½

Inventive and unpredictable.

Synecdoche, New York

Bleak classic that exposes a hard truth many films rarely touch upon.

The Frighteners
½

Impressive visual effects but lacking in all other aspects.

Event Horizon
½

A great premise for a horror flick that could have been so much more.

Taxi Driver
Taxi Driver(1976)

The only flaw is that the overly redundant score nearly made this an unintentional comedy.

In Bruges
In Bruges(2008)

Unsubstantial yet entertaining.

Monsters
Monsters(2010)

Boring but the director's command of the camera and his actors gives one hope for the upcoming Godzilla.

Safety Not Guaranteed

Garbage film with a premise that goes nowhere.

Clockers
Clockers(1995)

Weak and unfocused with a talented cast that goes to waste.

Devil in a Blue Dress

Near classic that makes one wish the same filmmakers had adapted more books for sequels.

Juice
Juice(1992)

Tupac's unhinged portrayal of Bishop is the guiding force behind Juice's impactful narrative.

The George McKenna Story

Denzel Washington's committed and pitch perfect performance makes this essential viewing.

Observe and Report
½

Comedy Classic. Seth Rogen's best film by far.

Django Unchained

Some scenes drag on for too long but overall this is a very memorable film.

Lost In Translation

A meditative look at loneliness and longing.

Not Fade Away

A somewhat admirable effort on the part of David Chase to relay his experiences and shortcomings within that time period to the viewer. It also has one of the worst endings I have ever seen.

Life of Pi
Life of Pi(2012)
½

A stunning film in many respects.

Revolutionary Road

A cautionary tale on the importance of empathizing with the plights of those closest to you.

The Iceman
The Iceman(2013)

Contains strong performances but feels streamlined.

The Great Mouse Detective
½

Another half hour or so would have propelled this film to greater heights.

The Brave Little Toaster

A good animated tale that is short and slightly disturbing.

Fantastic Four

The portrayal of Doctor Doom is a cinematic travesty.

Original Gangstas

Shit film with a deeply troubling message.

Escape from New York

This movie needs to be remade.

Batman
Batman(1989)

Worthwhile though it suffers from a rampant lack of focus and stilted pacing.

American History X

"Fuck you!!!!!!!" - Derek Vinyard

Forrest Gump
Forrest Gump(1994)
½

A classic that takes a slight misstep with it's saccharine ending.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

A shit film that had the vast potential to be timeless.

Hellboy
Hellboy(2004)

Guillermo "Hell Hole" del Toro has a poor ear for English dialogue. Plagued with a rushed ending.

Green Lantern

I feel sorry for Mark Strong giving such a strong performance in such a throwaway film.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
½

Corny story, dialogue and characters paired with inventive video game elements that aren't explored satisfactorily.

X2: X-Men United

The best X-Men film thus far.

X-Men Origins - Wolverine

Hugh Jackman and the character of Wolverine deserve better.

X-Men: First Class
½

McAvoy and Fassbender have great chemistry.

Inception
Inception(2010)
½

The premise is undermined by Nolan's lack of imagination.

Minority Report
½

Spielberg lacks the filmic nuance required for this type of science fiction.

Platoon
Platoon(1986)

Quite possibly the best war film I've ever seen.

3 Ninjas
3 Ninjas(1992)

A childhood classic in the same vein as the original TMNT.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

All the hate towards the alien plot device is warranted, especially once the lackluster third act kicks in,

Iron Man
Iron Man(2008)
½

One of the best MCU films.

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

The emotional heft of the narrative and is enough to win over even the most dissuaded viewer.

Predators
Predators(2010)
½

Promising premise notwithstanding, Predators ultimately feels like another missed opportunity.

AVP - Alien Vs. Predator

So much potential squandered by incompetence.

Predator 2
Predator 2(1990)

Surprisingly decent sequel with a great performance from Danny Glover.

This Is the End

Being a Seth Rogen fan made this all the more disappointing.

Watchmen
Watchmen(2009)
½

Great, though a film that solely followed Rorschach's crusade would have been infinitely better.

Mo' Money
Mo' Money(1992)
½

21 years later I'm still awaiting the sequel, "Mo' Problems".

Oblivion
Oblivion(2013)

Thinly scripted and insipidly plotted with the only redeeming qualities being Tom Cruise's performance and the cinematography.

Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in The Hood

Comedy classic with a bevy of memorably hilarious scenes.

GoodFellas
GoodFellas(1990)
½

An abrupt ending detracts from an otherwise sound film.

Man of Steel
Man of Steel(2013)

Upon my first viewing I was somewhat dismissive of Man of Steel. Thinking back to it later I came to appreciate the film's (somewhat misguided) ambitions and am now awaiting a fully realized DC Cinematic Universe with cautious optimism.

Batman Begins
½

Good despite a few unintentionally comical scenes.

The Amazing Spider-Man

A very uneven film. Scenes fluctuate from very good/amazing to absolutely poor and laughable. In the end it has nothing on the 2002 classic.

The Wackness
The Wackness(2008)
½

A poignant look at the disillusionment many feel during the unceremonious transition from youth into adulthood.

There Will Be Blood
½

Rarely do films convey a sense of time and place with such resolute beauty.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II - The Secret of the Ooze
½

Though not as classic as the original this is still a great continuation of the series.

The Incredible Hulk
½

Contains one of the greatest fight scenes ever committed to film.

The Dark Knight Rises

An illogical continuation of the series that fails to end the trilogy gracefully.

Avatar
Avatar(2009)

Unimaginatively designed with poor and derivative storytelling.

Spider-Man 3
Spider-Man 3(2007)

Spider-Man 3 falters on the promise and goodwill built up by the two classics that precede it.

Lincoln
Lincoln(2012)

Boring and somewhat corny.

Spider-Man
Spider-Man(2002)

The Greatest Superhero Film of All Time.

Spider-Man 2
Spider-Man 2(2004)

One of the most emotional films I have ever seen. A true classic.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie

Stunning In Its Execution, With A Noteworthy Performance From Elias Koteas.

Iron Man 3
Iron Man 3(2013)

Slightly better than Iron Man 2 yet still cheeks.

Argo
Argo(2012)
½

Well directed and perfectly paced.

Skyfall
Skyfall(2012)

Excluding a stunning title sequence, the rest of this film is a weak rip-off of The Dark Knight.

No One Knows About Persian Cats (Les Chats Persans)

A jarring ending undermines the message of the entire film.