wardenclancy's Movie Ratings - Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Ratings and Reviews

7 Up
7 Up(1964)
½

Great, although if you've seen any of the later films in the series, you've probably seen most of the material presented in these 39 minutes.

Ghostbusters (1984 Original)

"You're right, Ray. No human being would stack books like this."

Jurassic Park

CGI don't get no better than this. Hold on to your butts.

Live Free or Die Hard
½

Retardedly awesome or awesomely retarded? Either way, nice to see McLane back in action.

Ocean's Thirteen

Fun but not amazing. Oddly enough, I think 12 might be my favorite...

Hot Fuzz
Hot Fuzz(2007)

Only one scene with Steve Merchant? Criminal.

Transformers
Transformers(2007)
½

Shattered my expectations to become a totally sweet movie.

Uptown Saturday Night
½

Starring Sydney Poitier, Bill Cosby, and - in a scene-stealing role - Bill Cosby's Beard.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

God bless Robert Downey Junior.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
½

Favorite of the books, second favorite of the movies.

Black Snake Moan
½

Totally made me miss cicadas and thunderstorms, no matter how sinister their roles in the movie.

The War Room
The War Room(1993)
½

Brilliant behind-the-scenes look at the birth of the modern political campaign. Laid the foundation for seasons 6 and 7 of 'The West Wing.'

Stranger Than Fiction
½

Better than I was expecting. Although the absence of the Bad Religion song for which the movie is named was perplexing.

Superbad
Superbad(2007)
½

Everything I'd hoped it would be and more.

Halloween
Halloween(1978)

Probably would have scared me in 1978...

The Bourne Ultimatum

Hands down the best movie ever made about people walking hurriedly.

Kes
Kes(1969)
½

Fantastic little film about growing up working class.

E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial
½

Just as scary as when I was a kid. Well, I guess the walkie-talkies are less scary than guns...

The Goonies
The Goonies(1985)

Probably awesome if you see it for the first time when you're like eight.

Love Actually
½

Too long, but fun enough.

Newsies
Newsies(1992)

Glad to say it still holds up.

Waiting for Guffman

'Who's on top, and who's on bottom now?'

Da uomo a uomo (Death Rides A Horse) (As Man to Man)
½

Great story marred by dated dialogue and production value.

Arizona Dream
½

Starts out weird and only gets weirder, but really draws you into its world. Definitely ranks among Johnny Depp's best work (chicken impression notwithstanding). Fantastic music by Goran Bregovic.

Sky High
Sky High(2005)

Enjoyable enough. Employs the always-baffling teen movie standard of 80s cover tunes throughout.

This Film Is Not Yet Rated
½

Messy and overambitious, but incredibly thought-provoking. And if you have any interest in filmmaking, it's likely to make you furious.

Half Nelson
Half Nelson(2006)

All character and no story, but some solid performances keep it watchable. Great sound design, as well.

Blood Diamond

Deals with some big issues, but ultimately it's just a fairly predictable action movie.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Far and away the best of the series, with the special effects at their least cheesy and only one ending.

The Incredibles
½

Perhaps not always as funny as previous Pixar efforts, but every bit as good. The best laughs are in the background, like the henchmen inventing a drinking game as they watch news coverage of the robot terrorizing a city.

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
½

Peter Weir knocks another one out of the park.

East of Eden
East of Eden(1955)

James Dean is great as Cal, and the choice to skip the first 60% of the novel's storyline proves surprisingly effective.

Big Nothing
Big Nothing(2007)
½

Makes "Very Bad Things" look tame by comparison. Great use of animation and split-screen, although those sequences are kind of poorly integrated into the movie as a whole.

Ace in the Hole (The Big Carnival)
½

Excellent movie about the destructive power of greed, with a very modern take on the American media circus. Definitely ranks among Wilder's best.

Lord of the Flies

Well-shot but uninspired version of the classic story. Simon's glowstick is a clever touch. And frankly, I don't mind the deletion of his conversation with the Lord of the Flies, which wouldn't play well on film.

Gone Baby Gone
½

Brilliant. Hooray, Afflecks!

Stomp the Yard
½

Utterly without surprises.

Planet of the Apes
½

"Science science science."
"Exposition, sir."
"Ah, yes. Back story. Science science?"
"Monkeys!"

Cars
Cars(2006)
½

Predictable but fun enough.

Funny Games
Funny Games(1998)

Brilliantly directed and totally distressing to watch. The occasional breaking of the fourth wall really took me out of what is otherwise a very realistic piece of horror, though.

The Fox and the Hound
½

Corey Feldman steals the show with his baying.

Hook
Hook(1991)

Very clever take on the classic story. And that imaginary feast still looks delicious.

BloodRayne
BloodRayne(2006)

Just as bad as "Alone in the Dark," but nowhere near as fun to sit through. Imagine watching someone play Morrowind for two hours.

X2: X-Men United
½

Reigns as greatest of the comic book movies.

The Science of Sleep
½

Some fun visuals, but not much to offer in the way of story. The mixture of French, Spanish and English is wonderful, though.

Dawn of the Dead

Doesn't garner the same fondness I have for the original, but still great fun.

Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane (Plane Dead)
½

About an hour in, you'll start to wonder, "This is a zombie film, right?" Then ten minutes later it'll get a lot more fun, and even surprise you with a few clever ideas. But I mean ... it still won't be a good movie.

A Sound of Thunder

The absolute worst-case scenario for an adaptation of this story. The effects are on par with an episode of "Sliders."

The Black Cauldron

"Lord of the Rings" for kids.

Platoon
Platoon(1986)
½

The most overrated of war movies. But McGinley owns every scene he's in.

The Sweet Hereafter
½

Interesting premise, great score and beautiful scenery, but some questionable performances and lots of terrible dialogue.

King Arthur
King Arthur(2004)

Wow. It's rare that a movie fails so thoroughly on every level.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

Pretty much what you'd expect from an Aqua Teen movie ... equivalent to pressing "Play All" on one of the season DVDs.

The War Game
The War Game(1966)
½

Lacks some of the punch of Watkins' later work because if its explicitly hypothetical nature, but it's still pretty damn brilliant. And frightening.

Enchanted
Enchanted(2007)

Amy Adams is a genius.

Fido
Fido(2007)
½

Genuinely clever and funny.

The Hills Have Eyes, Part 2

Wow. Dog flashbacks, gratuitous nudity setups that somehow don't lead to gratuitous nudity, and the Reaper (who sucks.) Fun enough, though.

Black Sheep
Black Sheep(2006)

If the poster makes you chuckle, this will too. Hilariously bad, and willing to go shockingly far with some of the humor.

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
½

Fantastic. Best documentary I've seen in ages.

The Constant Gardener

Very engaging mystery, with the best portrait of Africa as a real place in recent memory.

Cashback
Cashback(2007)

Good, but kind of a mess.

Flock of Dodos: The Evolution-Intelligent Design Circus

Kind of a Ross McElwee approach to the science documentary, offering an engaging and surprisingly even-handed look at what is essentially a media war.

Dragon Wars
Dragon Wars(2007)
½

Fun but incomprehensible. (See the ridiculous page-long synopsis offered by Flixster.)

License to Wed

Oh my god, why can I not give less than half a star?

Evan Almighty
½

Not good, but not awful. At least it didn't make me want to die the way "License to Wed" did.

Alone with Her
½

Pretty disturbing. The hidden-camera things works surprisingly well, and never feels that gimmicky. I may be forever suspicious of strangers who have a lot in common with me...

Panic Room
Panic Room(2002)
½

Underwhelming but still underrated riff on 'Wait Until Dark.' With possibly the most pointless epilogue ever.

Captivity
Captivity(2007)

Craptivity. Predictable and shockingly tame.

Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh(2006)

"Curb Your Enthusiasm" with Jeff Goldblum and a piano instead of a tuba. Which ends up being great fun. Moby steals every scene he's in.

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (AVP 2)
½

Not good, but more consistently entertaining than the first one. Maybe next time we'll get something that delivers on the promise of the original graphic novels?

I, Robot
I, Robot(2004)

Better than I was expecting. Although I'm totally unfamiliar with the source material.

Sunshine
Sunshine(2007)

Disappointing, but I think I'd set my expectations too high. I stand by the first hour, but it collapses in the third act. Probably plays WAY better in a theater.

The Hills Have Eyes 2

An abomination. Makes the original look like a triumph of subtle storytelling. And it could have used a good dog flashback.

I Am Legend
I Am Legend(2007)

This movie would have been terrifying with real actors instead of CGI nonsense. I move for a 10-year embargo on digital creatures until the effects industry figures out what the hell they're doing.

The Hitcher
The Hitcher(2007)

Blah. Read the summary and whatever you just imagined is better than this.

Reign Over Me

Brilliant. Definitely makes my top 5 for 2007.

Zodiac
Zodiac(2007)
½

Brilliant crime drama, with Fincher's signature crazy camera moves at their least distracting. Absolutely deserving of its length.

The Ten
The Ten(2007)

Basically plays like a long, themed episode of "The State," but a little more uneven. The Corddry/Marino jail sketch is BRILLIANT.

Resident Evil: Extinction
½

You know, I actually give them some credit for completely blowing off the world of the video games in favor of the story they wanted to tell ... even if it didn't work. Nice to see Wesker, but whoever cast Ali Larter as Claire Redfield should be locked in a room with zombie Dobermans.

Cloverfield
Cloverfield(2008)

Just as much screaming and shakiness as 'Blair Witch Project,' but way more sick action.

Juno
Juno(2007)

"I like this kind of music."
"Psssh. I judge you, because I prefer a different kind of music."
"Honest to blog!"

The Woodsman
The Woodsman(2004)

Bacon and Mos Def do their best with a lousy script. There's one affecting scene near the end, but overall it's a pretty blase affair, with a "play-by-play" sequence that nearly turns the whole thing into a joke.

Hoop Dreams
Hoop Dreams(1994)

Incredible, EPIC documentary that ends up being about a lot more than basketball.

Futurama: Bender's Big Score

Not amazing, but DAMN good use of time travel elements.

The Bridge
The Bridge(2006)

Unrelentingly grim (not that I expected much comic relief). Manages to beautifully chronicle the way people search for answers in the wake of suicide, without ever sinking into exploitation. And Brockman is absolutely right to laud the filmmakers for refraining from comment on the material.

Shoot 'Em Up
Shoot 'Em Up(2007)

Would have been a lot of fun if it could maintain the utterly ridiculous energy of the first 5 minutes or so, but it runs out of steam pretty quickly.

Eagle vs Shark

The Kiwi answer to 'Napoleon Dynamite,' only with a little more plot and depth. The stop-motion sequences are off-putting at first, but kinda pay off.

No Country for Old Men

Shotguns have never been scarier.

Old Joy
Old Joy(2006)
½

Might have made a decent short. Definitely would have been a great beginning to a horror movie. But the lack of any story whatsoever makes the whole thing utterly pointless. That said, at least it's beautifully shot.

Epic Movie
Epic Movie(2007)

VH1 has been spared the trouble of making "I Love 2006." Except the year 2006 felt shorter than this movie. Jayma Mays is great, though.

Ghostbusters 2

I wish Hollywood would go back to the translucent claymation style of ghost effects. So much better than CGI.

Bug
Bug(2006)
½

Brilliant. Works best if you know nothing about it beforehand.

The X-Files - Fight the Future
½

David Duchovny rules. I am officially pumped for the sequel.

Crocodile Dundee

Great character in search of a story. Doesn't really pick up until the second half, which is hilarious.

Michael Clayton

Blasted corporations! People should know by now not to mess with the Clooney.

We Own the Night
½

Decent. But a month from now I won't remember anything about it.

Crocodile Dundee II
½

All-time best use of Japanese tourists.

3:10 to Yuma
3:10 to Yuma(2007)
½

Disappointingly old-fashioned.

Cast Away
Cast Away(2000)

A story so good, even Zemeckis couldn't screw it up.

Atlantis - The Lost Empire
½

Maybe the highest body count of any Disney film.

The Puffy Chair
½

Goes completely off the rails at the halfway point, but it's fun until then. The motel-scamming sequence is brilliant.

Weekend at Bernie's

Takes fucking forever to start, but what a great comic duo.

Beowulf
Beowulf(2007)

Some early PS2 games called. They want their cutscenes back.

Farce of the Penguins

Feels like it was written by a 16-year-old who was too busy giggling at the premise to be bothered with jokes. Automatic deduction of 1 full star for involvement of Carlos Mencia.

Weekend at Bernie's II

Wow. It's difficult to imagine a more ill-advised sequel.

Natural Born Killers

Robert Downey Jr is a light in the darkness.

First Knight
First Knight(1995)

Part boring adventure, part child's history lesson. And all lame!

Kingdom of Heaven
½

Has some decent bits. I didn't see the theatrical cut, though. Did I mention that 3 hours and 14 minutes is too long for a movie?

The Cooler
The Cooler(2003)
½

Made me terrified that that Alec Baldwin would leap out of the screen and yell at me. Old Vegas kicks new Vegas's ass.

Domino
Domino(2005)

Very probably the most ridiculous movie I have ever seen.

Into the Wild

Abandons the relative objectivity of the book in favor of romanticizing a guy who was no hero.

Charlie Wilson's War
½

Great script, and Philip Seymour Hoffman almost makes up for Julia Roberts' accent.

Mystic River
Mystic River(2003)
½

Nothing special. Kind of like a really long episode of SVU.

My Kid Could Paint That

Made my head spin. I don't know what to believe.

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three

Classic. I am not excited for the upcoming Tony Scott/John Travolta remake.

The Kingdom
The Kingdom(2007)

Ignore the haters. This is a damn solid movie. Could have used more Kyle Chandler, though.

Withnail and I

"Balls! I'll swallow it and run a mile."

Dinosaur
Dinosaur(2000)

A stellar first five minutes just makes the lameness that follows feel like even more of a slap in the face.

Thirteen Ghosts (13 Ghosts)

Thought-provoking. In that you'll spend much of the movie going, "Whaaaaat?"

Grandma's Boy

Not as funny or clever as it thinks it is, but decent. Nick Swardson is great.

The Hunting Party

Clunky dialogue, odd directing, occasional outright silliness ... it's all a bit too much.

Wristcutters: A Love Story

Weird, but it kind of works. Tom Waits, as ever, is brilliant.

The Mist
The Mist(2007)
½

What I learned: Science is evil, religion is even more evil, and just when things seem darkest - always wait about 45 seconds in case there's a tank coming.

The Ice Storm

Key parties freak me out.

Any Given Sunday

Dissolve City, population: Oliver Stone.

Once
Once(2007)

Utterly charming. Rarely have I been so entertained by a story with so little conflict.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

Somewhere between 'Lord of the Rings' and 'Power Rangers.' And 'Evil Dead.' I think sometimes, "Why do people keep acting in these shitty Uwe Boll movies?" But then other times I think, "Damn. I bet it's fun to act in these shitty Uwe Boll movies." And damned if it's not fun to watch them.

King Kong
King Kong(1976)

For people who saw the recent version and said, "I like this, but I wish everything about it was terrible."

The Great Mouse Detective

Surely the darkest cold open of the Disney canon.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

Forget Jar-Jar, the god-awful dialogue and Darth Vader's virgin birth. The really unforgivable thing here is the utter lack of relevance this movie has to the rest of the series. No one cares how C-3PO and R2-D2 met.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
½

Action, intrigue, wholesale slaughter of innocent sandpeople ... best of the new trilogy. Shame they didn't use a real camera.

Crank
Crank(2006)

This movie is out of its goddamn mind. But that's almost to its credit.

The Honeymoon Killers

If John Waters had made "Badlands." Your reaction to that sentence will probably mirror your reaction to the movie.

The Nines
The Nines(2007)
½

Entertaining and well cast, but with an inevitably unsatisfying ending. Raises some interesting ideas about koalas.

War (Rogue Assassin)
½

Too much of a mess to be of much entertainment value. Not enough Kane Kosugi!

Hideous Kinky
½

Cute at times, but not a lot of story. Should put you off being a hippy in a foreign land.

House of the Dead

Incredible. Dr. Boll makes EVERY single mistake you could make in a film of this kind, then invents new ones.

The Lookout
The Lookout(2007)

Better than I was expecting. The trailer is misleading, in that it seems to imply some nonlinear hijinks that aren't in the film.

If....
If....(1968)
½

The caning sequence is particularly brilliant.

Shutter
Shutter(2004)

Must EVERY Asian horror film be about a murdered schoolgirl seeking justice? I mean, come on. That said, this is lame, predictable and poorly shot.

King of California
½

Michael Douglas is great, but the movie never seems to know what it wants to be.

The Cave
The Cave(2005)

I somehow deluded myself into thinking this would be cool. Foolish, foolish man.

Private Lessons
½

I really wanted to see this when I was like 12, so finally watching it now was kind of awesome. But only kind of.

Alpha Dog
Alpha Dog(2007)
½

Ben Foster is becoming one hell of a reason to see a movie. And Timberlake's great. The CGI windmills toward the end were a weird choice, though.

Last Holiday
Last Holiday(2006)

It's okay, as far as bad 80s movies go. Wait, what's that? 2006? Oh, then it sucks.

Hulk
Hulk(2003)

I'd heard it was bad, but nothing could have prepared me for this. It's fine to tackle the dramatic side of a superhero, but you can't juggle it with cheesy cartoonish nonsense and over-the-top acting. (Or Ang Lee can't, anyway.)

Paradise
Paradise(1982)
½

Blue Lagoon: The Desert Years. Should have been marketed with the title, "At Least Phoebe Cates Is Naked for Most of This Movie."

Taps
Taps(1981)
½

Starring George C. Scott's mustache as "World's Worst Mustache."

Troll 2
Troll 2(1990)

Gets better with every viewing. Grandpa Seth is a true hero.

Reno 911!: Miami

Often funny, but never manages to top an early sequence at the motel.

Run Fatboy Run

Dylan Moran, as always, steals the show.

Return to House on Haunted Hill
½

Bad. Although worse still makes it to cinemas. This probably would have if it was 20 minutes longer.

A Bug's Life
A Bug's Life(1998)
½

Great character design, great art direction, great voice acting, but ... something's off with the story.

The Quiet
The Quiet(2006)
½

Weeeeee-ird. Weird.

Network
Network(1976)

One of those rare movies that truly deserves all the praise it gets.

Bad Santa
Bad Santa(2003)

Apparently the theatrical cut is better. I don't know how much different it would have been.

Batman Begins

The first half is awesome, the second half less so, but it's still the best Batman film. So far.

Batman Returns
½

DeVito's best performance outside of "Cuckoo's Nest," but ... that's about the only good thing about it.

Before Sunrise

Good, though I actually prefer the sequel. I can't believe they skip the performance of "Bring Me the Horns of Wilmington's Cow."

Spider-Man
Spider-Man(2002)
½

The exposition-to-fun ratio is waaaaaay off here.

Batman & Robin
½

About as "comic book" as a comic book movie can get. Yes, it's fucking ridiculous, but only marginally more so than "Returns." At least they later apologized, which is more than Tim Burton ever did.

Batman
Batman(1989)
½

With a movie called "Batman," you'd expect Batman to be in more than like 4 scenes. You might also expect him not to kill quite so many people.

King Ralph
King Ralph(1991)

Quintessential early 90s comedy. 'Doctor Who' fans will recognize a young Jackie Tyler as the love interest.

Can't Stop the Music

There were six members of Village People. If you can name all of their occupations without looking them up, I will buy you a drink.

Spider-Man 3
Spider-Man 3(2007)
½

Q: What is the least elegant way to recap previous franchise entries? Is it possible for every character in a superhero film to cry? Why do most stories stick with a single antagonist? How lame would it be if Venom always revealed Brock's face to speak? What happened to all the jokes that didn't make it into "Baby's Day Out"?
A: Here, watch this.

Life as a House
½

Barely made any impression on me.

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
½

Better than I was expecting. Seems like about halfway through it forgets it's a comedy, though.

The Last Seduction

Blah. Nowhere near as interesting or provocative as it thinks it is, with "twists" that are alternately predictable and laughable.

Jabberwocky
Jabberwocky(1977)

Feels kind of like a story cobbled together from scenes that were too dark or not funny enough for "Holy Grail." Some of the gore effects are outstanding, though.

Reefer Madness
½

Kristen Bell is always hilarious.

Delicatessen
Delicatessen(1992)
½

Yellowest movie ever?

Lord of War
Lord of War(2005)
½

Way too smug.

And one of the worst final lines ever.

Silent Rage
Silent Rage(1982)
½

Norris + Frankenstein + stealing from "Halloween" and "The Shining + the pacing of a movie 10 years older = rough going.

Iron Man
Iron Man(2008)

It's hard to imagine a better conceived and executed comic book film. Crossing my fingers that it breaks $114M.

Teeth
Teeth(2007)

This movie might have been okay if it weren't terrible.

Gothika
Gothika(2003)

The only time I was surprised by anything in this movie was at the end, when I saw the music credits and was like, "Really? This is Fred Durst singing?"

Oliver & Company
½

I forgot about it being a Dickens adaptation until the end credits. Totally made sense in retrospect, though.

John Tucker Must Die

Sporadically funny enough to get me through one viewing, but there won't be a second.

Fast Food Nation

A sprawling, unfocused mess with no ending ... at least the acting was good.

Bambi
Bambi(1942)
½

Probably THE definitive story about growing up as a deer in the forest.

The Orphanage

Solid. Occasionally terrifying. Owes a lot to the last ten years of Asian horror films.

Zoo
Zoo(2007)

Feels too much like an experimental short film stretched into a feature.

The Emperor's New Groove

One of the better recent Disney films.

Team America: World Police
½

"Maybe ... feelings are feelings because we can't control them."

National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Dumb as hell. But it never pretends otherwise.

The Fog of War: Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara

Excellent portrait of a man and his impact on American history.

Southland Tales

I watched this movie before bed and then had epic, incomprehensible dreams. Thanks, Richard Kelly.

Jesus Camp
Jesus Camp(2006)

Pretty damn scary. The overall sense of objectivity is slightly undermined by unnecessary visits with an opposing radio personality, though.

America Unchained
½

No "Googlewhack Adventure," but a very interesting premise. His visit to the closing store in Independence, OR, is worth the watch alone.

Eight Legged Freaks
½

Peaks during the drywall fight sequence early on.

Arthur
Arthur(1981)
½

The gentleman's hero.

Pleasantville

Cute enough, except when it flirts clumsily with racism metaphor.

Diary of the Dead
½

Never great, but always interesting. The most fascinating thing is seeing what an old man like Romero thinks of the Millennium generation. This is also the first movie to recognize that a true gentleman abhors firearms and elects to slay zombies with a bow and arrow or - in close quarters - a broadsword.

Meet the Feebles
½

Pretty tired story about seedy show-biz types, with a veneer of puppets and gross-out gags.

Nacho Libre
Nacho Libre(2006)

Better than I was expecting. And less racist!

Semi-Pro
Semi-Pro(2008)
½

Watching this movie in the wake of what happened with that bear and its trainer is exceedingly disturbing.

Gunner Palace
½

The ridiculous narration lowers the tone to the point where it feels like "COPS: Iraq."

Signs
Signs(2002)
½

Better on second viewing, but still just a well-directed bad script.

Kung Fu Panda

Dreamworks finally scores.

Recount
Recount(2008)

Fascinating procedural.

The Happening
½

Not as monumentally terrible as I was expecting, but INCREDIBLY stupid. And the worst acting of any M. Night movie.

Rescue Dawn
Rescue Dawn(2007)
½

Entertaining, if forgettable.

Bee Movie
Bee Movie(2007)

The movie ended, the co-directors' credits came up, and my roommate said simply, "Thanks, assholes." That sums it up pretty well. Dreamworks just can't touch Pixar.

The Faculty
The Faculty(1998)

Some day the Russians will invent a computer that writes screenplays, and if you turn the dial to "teen/alien" it will spit out this movie.

Forgotten Silver
½

Probably Peter Jackson's best film.

Friday Night Lights

Great, but it's since been overshadowed by the superior television series.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

One of the most violent, morally confused movies I have ever seen.

Donnie Darko
Donnie Darko(2001)

I'd totally forgotten Seth Rogen is in this.

Fight Club
Fight Club(1999)
½

Better than the book.

WALL-E
WALL-E(2008)

Pixar's best effort.

Get Smart
Get Smart(2008)

Entertaining, but not nearly as funny as it should have been. And I didn't really care for the new 99.

Wanted
Wanted(2008)
½

The slow and expositiony middle is somewhat redeemed by a pretty sweet finale. I wish Common had been given more than like 3 lines, though.

Resolved
Resolved(2007)

Compelling, although it doesn't really find its feet until it starts following the two guys assaulting the entrenched system. Who knew modern high school debates sounded so much like tobacco auctions?

Memento
Memento(2000)

Transcends the gimmick.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

I just watched the extended version, with like 2 more hours of worried faces and unconvincing CGI.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

It's now 20 years later, and I still can't get past the lack of a question mark in the title. WHOSE IDEA WAS THAT?

Shrek the Third

This film is most impressive for its use of technical innovations, like the time machine the 13 credited writers must have built in order to go back and get all their jokes.

Ocean's Twelve
½

Haters to the left. This one's my favorite.

Be Kind Rewind
½

Sadly (though not that surprisingly), the film itself doesn't quite capture the same magic as the Sweded sequences.

Chinatown
Chinatown(1974)

The original saga of people drinking other people's milkshakes.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

It was at this point that Peter Jackson completely lost the reins. Total time elapsed between Sam saying, "It's over now" on the mountain to the words, "The End" appearing on screen: 23 minutes. Plus I'm pretty sure Gandalf is wearing white Chuck Taylors in that final coronation scene.

Jaws
Jaws(1975)

I can't shake the fear that we might yet see a computer effects-laden, Speilberg-helmed remake/fifth franchise entry in which a troupe of monkeys kills the shark because its midi-chlorian count is too high.

21 Up
21 Up(1977)
½

A lot of footage from the previous two films is repeated, but it's consistently amazing how that footage benefits from the new context.

Pineapple Express
½

Dear David Green: Please make more movies like this. Thank you.

Cutting Class

Extra points for one of the killer's (many) "final" monologues, which actually has some genuinely good stuff. Plus really young Brad Pitt still shows flashes of the talent to come.

28 Up
28 Up(1985)

It's at this point in the series that the truly epic scope of what's being undertaken really becomes clear. Incredible the twists and turns these lives take, often without regard to class or upbringing.

Dragonslayer
Dragonslayer(1981)
½

Seems like, if you're trying to protect a virgin from a virgin-eating dragon, there's a much easier solution than to go after the dragon.

The Good German
½

Fairly entertaining little mystery-noir, with an interesting structure. Peter Andrews continues to be the best fictional cinematographer on the planet.

9 Deaths of the Ninja

One of the most outrageously awful movies I have ever seen, in a "totally worth your time" kind of way.

Back to the Future
½

Just finally saw the whole thing. Very clever, in all the right ways. I had no idea "The Power of Love" came from this...

The Brothers Grimm
½

Classic Terry Gilliam. By which I mean, it takes an interesting premise, a promising cast and some genuine passion, then spins them all into a movie that doesn't quite work.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
½

Interesting to see Russell Brand behaving like a relatively normal human being.

The Bank Job
The Bank Job(2008)

Interesting, if not terribly exciting. Unexpectedly high Bare Breasts Per Minute (BBPM) Index.

The Gate
The Gate(1987)

Better special effects than just about anything made in the last 10 years. Bring back go-motion!

Wet Hot American Summer

Proof that structure isn't everything.

Hancock
Hancock(2008)

Very interesting fumble.

Serenity
Serenity(2005)

Wraps things up pretty darn well.

McCabe & Mrs. Miller

The last half-hour makes up for a slow start.

Rogue
Rogue(2008)

Outside of some excellent nature photography, doesn't really offer anything you can't get from "Anaconda."

Black Water
Black Water(2008)
½

Will inevitably be compared to "Open Water," but it's so much more interesting than that shout-fest. Good luck finding a better killer croc movie.

Troll
Troll(1986)

It's no 'Troll 2,' but it's worth watching for many of the same reasons. Plus, June Lockhart and Sonny Bono!

Hamlet 2
Hamlet 2(2008)
½

All-time best use of an Everlast song.

Irma La Douce

Not Wilder's best, but Jack Lemmon is a goddamn force of nature.

Willow
Willow(1988)

I was surprised to see Kevin Pollak as a brownie. But very little surprised me for the rest of the movie.

The Ewok Adventure

Frankly, it's pretty shameful that the acting in this is SO much better than in the new trilogy.

Tom Horn
Tom Horn(1980)
½

Stupid civilization - why must you always outpace our aging anti-heroes?

Jeremiah Johnson

"The way that you wander is the way that you choose."

Speed
Speed(1994)

The quintessential 90's action movie.

Unforgiven
Unforgiven(1992)

I liked it much more on the second viewing.

Wizard of Gore

Even Glover and Dourif can't save this from being one of the least enjoyable shit movies you'll ever force yourself to sit through. Save yourself the trouble: the high point of the movie is the establishing shot of a store called "Herbals in Your Mouth."

Fargo
Fargo(1996)

Two words: Mike Yanagita.

The Yes Men
The Yes Men(2004)
½

A little slow and dry to start, but manages to pull you in by the end. Much more of a profile on two interesting guys than any kind of window into world trade policy.

Macbeth
Macbeth(2006)
½

Polanski's is still the best. Nice to hear Shakespeare without a stuffy RP accent, but the performances are pretty mediocre across the board. That said, it does have probably the best ever visual treatment of Macbeth's "dagger of the mind."

The Strangers
½

Really REALLY stressful ... but I'm not sure it counts as a movie.
Sidenote: There's a "German Valle" credited as an electrician - is that THE German Valle?

10,000 B.C.
10,000 B.C.(2008)

Featuring original music by someone called "Thomas Wanker." (Seriously.) That's all you need to know about this movie.

Alien Apocalypse

Apologies to any other movies I've called "the dumbest I've ever seen." I'd forgotten about this. Twenty years after an alien invasion, no one knows the word 'doctor,' but they all remember who the president was? And they all remember the word 'healer' and the concept behind it? I WISH that was the stupidest thing about this movie.

Battlefield Earth

If you went and found someone from one of those uncontacted tribes in the Amazon and tried to explain to them what "movies" were, and what "acting" is, I think this is what they would imagine. It's like Cargo Cult Filmmaking.

Darkon
Darkon(2006)
½

Funny and fairly revealing, but I would have liked to see more about the actual mechanics of gameplay.

War, Inc.
War, Inc.(2008)

All-time best use of a severed finger.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Dumb as hell, but watchable when no one's talking.

Baby Mama
Baby Mama(2008)
½

Longest "30 Rock" trailer ever.

Postal
Postal(2007)
½

All the bad acting and clunky direction you've come to expect from Dr. Boll, but now featuring wacky comedy horn stings and poorly paced gags! Half a star just for Dave Foley, who manages to squeeze a few laughs out of a pretty dismal affair.

The Ruins
The Ruins(2008)
½

Kind of like a really aggressive version of 'The Happening,' only a lot more of it works.

Terminator 3 - Rise of the Machines
½

I don't understand why people seem to hate this movie. I liked it better than the other two. Pretty brave ending, as well.

Tristram Shandy: A Cock & Bull Story
½

Sort of like a film version of "Annually Retentive." If I hadn't already seen that show, this might have seemed funnier and more inventive.

Grizzly Man
Grizzly Man(2005)
½

Stellar. And a reminder of what "Into the Wild" could have been.

I could listen to Werner Herzog talk about the world for days at a time.

In Bruges
In Bruges(2008)

Grosse Pointe Belgium.

Colin Farrell has never been more likable.

The Da Vinci Code

Just as stupid as the "National Treasure" series, but nowhere near as much fun to watch.

The Prestige
The Prestige(2006)
½

Really weird concept for a Batman vs. Wolverine film, but I guess it works. Nice to see The Goblin King again, too.

Dance of the Dead
½

The zombies actually say, "Brainsssss."

But they only seem to eat intestines, really.

Gates of Heaven

Covers an extraordinary amount of ground, for an 82 minute film.

American Outlaws

I honestly can't remember the last time I hated a movie this hard.

War Photographer

Slow, but incredibly powerful.

L.A. Confidential

Brilliant, although Kim Basinger looks about as much like Veronica Lake as Russell Crowe does.

The Long Riders
½

Pretty solid up until a rushed and anticlimactic ending. The stunt casting is more interesting in theory than in practice.

The Promotion

Somewhat fascinating, in a "What would happen to a comedy if you shot, edited and scored it like a drama?" kind of way.

Day of the Dead
½

"I'M RUNNING THIS MONKEY FARM NOW, FRANKENSTEIN!"

Guys and Dolls

Cute, but super long. And several of the dance numbers feel ridiculously out of place.

An American Werewolf in London

I always forget what a great soundtrack this has.

Hoodwinked
Hoodwinked(2005)

Interesting premise ruined by a mess of a script and CGI straight out of a cough drop commercial.

Ghost Town
Ghost Town(2008)

Disappointingly forgettable, but well cast.

An American Werewolf in Paris

A movie so awful it gave me a soul-ache.

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
½

The coffee scene will never NOT be hilarious, no matter how many times I see it.

Encounters at the End of the World

I want Werner Herzog to read me bedtime stories.

The Reader
The Reader(2008)
½

Goes into a tailspin at about the three-quarter mark.

Funny Games
Funny Games(2008)

Mystifying. Like Journey re-recording their hits with the new singer. Yeah, the notes are all correct, but I have to wonder why it's happening in the first place. I don't know. I'll watch the sequence with the eggs in any language, but I don't know what this remake had to add to the world. See one or see the other ... there's not much to be gained from seeing both.

Penn & Teller Get Killed

The whole thing is kind of like an elaborate Penn and Teller trick - "And as you can see, what appeared at first to be an ordinary movie that makes sense, has now become ... this." The ending's kind of worth it all, though.

White Christmas
½

Not especially Christmasy....

Day of the Dead

As bad as it is unnecessary.

Bolt
Bolt(2008)
½

Solid, if not terribly enhanced by 3D presentation. Nick Swardson's pigeon character needs a spin-off.

Psycho II
Psycho II(1983)

Unnecessary but shockingly well-executed. And who doesn't love Meg Tilly?

Igor
Igor(2008)

If you only see one CGI film this year with a character running around shouting, "Eeeeeeva," DON'T make it this one.

Seven Pounds
Seven Pounds(2008)
½

Bad, but not as terrible as I was hoping for. Which made it even more disappointing, ultimately.

The Eye
The Eye(2008)

Kind of interesting in that I've never seen Jessica Alba actually acting before, but not really worth watching.

27 Dresses
27 Dresses(2008)

It was really hard to find anyone to like among these characters.

Slumdog Millionaire

I'm baffled by the accusations that this movie somehow romanticizes impoverished slum life.

And I submit that every movie from now on should end with a full-cast dance number.

Doubt
Doubt(2008)

All about the acting.

Cutting Edge 2: Going for the Gold
½

Features the least likable female protagonist since "Ghost World."

Let the Right One In
½

I normally can't stand anything involving vampires, but I found this to be totally watchable.

Frost/Nixon
Frost/Nixon(2008)

The rare play adaptation that's so well-executed you wonder how it ever worked on a stage.

The Butterfly Effect

Child porn, animal torture, exploding children, horrific nosebleeds, some dick stabbing - just an all around good time at the movies.

Resident Evil: Degeneration
½

Starts strong and finishes well. Kind of a slog through the middle. Nice to have the RE2 voice cast back, even though all the mouths were animated for the original Japanese audio.

Gran Torino
Gran Torino(2009)

Surprisingly funny comedy about a cranky old racist, oddly marketed with the emphasis on its darker third act.

Overnight
Overnight(2004)

Not terrible, considering it clearly wasn't the movie they set out to make, but the subject outshines the filmmaking.

Zombie Strippers
½

Occasionally very funny.

The House Bunny
½

Leaves no cliche behind, which makes the handful of truly funny moments feel even more wasted.

Transporter 3

If there's really a martial art based on using the components of a business suit in self defense, I want to learn it.

Los Cronocrímenes (Timecrimes)
½

Often predictable, but always interesting. Kind of like a more comprehensible version of "Primer."

Friday the 13th Part VII - The New Blood

Provides the third-best sleeping bag death scene of the franchise.

Gwendoline
Gwendoline(1984)

"The Perils of Gwendoline" will eat your brain and then spit it unceremoniously into your face. Which is why I recommend watching it.

Pocahontas
Pocahontas(1995)

Kind of a précis of the most memorable scenes from the previous five or six Disney films, with wall-to-wall music covering the lack of plot. I like Meeko and Flit, though.

Watchmen
Watchmen(2009)
½

Faithful to a fault.

Definitely, Maybe
½

Actually pretty enjoyable.

Serial Mom
Serial Mom(1994)
½

One of Waters' more watchable films.

The Man Who Knew Too Little

The height of silliness, but at least it's funny.

The Truman Show
½

Great union of director and script.

Fear of a Black Hat

Hilarious. Rusty Cundieff needs to get back in front of the camera.

Son of Rambow
½

Better than the superficially similar "Be Kind Rewind," but still not overwhelming.

Friday the 13th

Better than the "Halloween" remake, at least. Aaron Yoo steals the show.

Knowing
Knowing(2009)
½

A solid entry in the ever-growing genre now known as "Nicholas Cage movies." As a result of a full-theater power outage, I saw the first half twice on separate weekends - the second half was better.

Disaster Movie

Very loose use of the word "movie."

Milk
Milk(2008)

I would have like to see more of Brolin's character.

My Bloody Valentine 3-D

If I were an 11-year-old in West Virginia, this would have been terrifying.